saw part of it last semester. Always wondered how the whole book thing got started.”
“Book thing?”
“Yeah, she wrote her name and number in a book, and he’s trying to find it so he can find her.”
“He knew her?”
“I’m not sure. That’s why I want to see it and watch it from the beginning to figure out what’s really going on. So what do you say? I’ll watch The Matrix with you if you watch Serendipity with me.”
His gaze swung over to her. “Do I have a choice?”
She grinned. “Probably not.”
By the time the discussion about your personal “team” started in psychology on Thursday, Taylor was bursting at the seams. She had already answered two questions and asked another. If she had ever felt like this in a class, it had been a very, very long time.
“So tell me about your list,” Professor Peters said. “Who made the list and who didn’t and why?”
“I was actually surprised,” a girl in the fourth row said after a few people had handed in their papers and escaped the room. “I always thought there would be a lot of people on the list. I mean, I’ve got a lot of InstaFriends and Followers, FriendsLink friends too. I do a lot of things on campus and stuff, but really, my list was only three people. My mom, my grandma, and my best friend from back home. Like you said, when the chips are down and things get really bad, I’m going to call one of those three. Everyone else is friends with a little f if that makes sense.”
“Well, I figured out that I’m way more friends than most of my friends are,” a guy just behind Taylor said.
“How’s that?”
“I’m the one they call,” he said, and he didn’t sound particularly happy about it. “If they need a couch moved or a ride or money, they know they can call me, and I’ll be there to help. But when I think about who I can call, that list gets way short.”
“Interesting.”
“I think I learned less about my list than about why my friends are my friends,” Taylor said.
“Okay?”
“I’ve been reading and studying about tribes and how when we’re in a tribe of people we feel safe with, our bodies flood with oxytocin, the hormone that bonds people together. When you don’t feel safe with your friends, you get adrenaline and cortisol, or fight-or-flight.” She tipped her head. “When I started making my list, I realized that a lot of people I would’ve put on it really don’t make me feel safe. When I’m with them, I go into barely-controlled panic about if I’m wearing the right thing or with the right person, what are they going to think about me, that kind of thing.
“That goes back to when we had to be with our tribe to be safe. If we got cast out, we’d be alone and coyote-bait. So we are constantly radar-up to see if we fit in, if they like us, if they’re going to let us stay in the tribe. With the people on my list, they are all literally my comfort zone people. I can be myself with them without worrying that they’re going to pitch me out. The crazy thing is, last year, even though I was friends with some of them, they wouldn’t have been on my list of ‘friends.’” She put finger quotes around the word. “I think the thing I’ve learned is how valuable real friends are, and how easy it is to tell if someone is a real friend just by checking your fight-flight-or-freeze vs. just being chill with them.”
“Very good analysis,” Professor Peters said.
“Thanks.”
After class, Professor Peters motioned for Taylor to come to the front.
“Is there a problem?” she asked, sensing she might have overstepped her bounds in her assessment.
“No. No. No problem. Actually, I was wondering if you’re busy this weekend.”
Taylor’s eyebrows went up as all words left her.
“The university is putting on a mini-conference on positive psychology,” Professor Peters continued.
It really didn’t matter what he said after that, the answer was yes.
“I’m looking to fill a couple of spots on the welcoming committee and at the registration table. Those two will only be Friday night and for an hour Saturday morning. But I also have a couple of spots for room hosts. Those would make sure everything is ready in the room and introduce each speaker. Although I could get different people, the easier thing would be to get one person per room.