I draw a breath that feels like fire, then let it roar out of me. ‘Don’t you dare try and lie to me again! Don’t you dare deny it. I know! I’ve read all the texts. I’ve seen the messages you sent to her. I know everything!’
There’s a pause that’s so long and so dark that it feels as if I’ve plummeted into a void. A yawning abyss is opening up between us. I can feel it.
Finally, I hear him take a breath. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispers, his voice cracking.
‘No! You don’t get to be sorry!’ I yell. I’ve started crying and angrily I swipe at my tears and take a deep breath. I’m not going to act the hysterical jilted wife. I must stay in control. I don’t want the details of the affair. Not right now. I don’t want to hear his excuses or apologies. I only need to know one thing. ‘Just tell me,’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘Did you kill her?’
I hold my breath, willing the answer to be no, but even if he says no, how will I believe him given the lies he’s told me? How can I trust a word out of his mouth?
‘Orla,’ Rob says, shock or maybe panic making his breathing hike. ‘What the hell are you talking about?! What are the police saying? I thought it was an accident?’
‘No. They say there was evidence of a struggle. She fought with someone before she died …’
‘It wasn’t me!’ Rob interjects.
‘Why were you here? Why were you in Lisbon on Friday?!’ I ask, my voice a cold hiss, barely above a whisper. I don’t want Sebastian hearing me.
Rob doesn’t answer.
‘Rob?’ I probe, wondering if he’s hung up. Terror grips my insides. It has to be him. It makes sense.
A huge sob echoes down the line. The sound of it leaves me cold. ‘I needed to stop her,’ Rob cries.
A chill runs up my body. ‘Stop her from doing what?’
‘From telling you,’ he splutters through his tears.
My jaw drops open in astonishment. The world tilts under my feet. Oh my God. He did it. He just admitted it to me.
‘You can’t think it was me though … I didn’t do anything!’ Rob carries on. ‘I didn’t kill her. I swear to you. I didn’t even see her! She wouldn’t meet me.’
I’m only tentatively relieved because I don’t know if he’s telling me the truth. Of course he’d deny it. ‘How do I know you’re telling the truth?’ I ask. ‘I can’t trust you.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispers again.
‘You’re only sorry that I found out,’ I spit, new waves of anger washing over me. I know if we were face to face I’d find it almost impossible not to pummel him with my fists.
‘I didn’t want to hurt you,’ he says. ‘I’d called it off. We were over with, me and Kate. Things were good between you and me.’ He sniffs. ‘And then I found out you were going away with her for the weekend and I got worried. You know Kate … she liked to play games. She was angry about …’ He breaks off.
‘I know why she was angry,’ I tell him, my voice an iron rod. ‘I’ve read all your texts. I listened to the messages.’
I can almost hear his panic scratching at his throat as he takes that in.
‘Keep going,’ I order him.
‘She was angry and I thought maybe because she was so angry she’d tell you about …’ He breaks off.
‘The affair,’ I finish for him.
‘I panicked,’ Rob says. ‘It was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking. But I couldn’t stay at home waiting to get a call from you asking me if it was true. I figured I’d fly here and try to talk to Kate, convince her not to say anything to you. And if I couldn’t talk to her or convince her, I could at least be there to talk to you if she did tell you.’
I shake my head. He must have been out of his mind with panic to leave Marlow with the babysitter and fly out here. ‘But you didn’t speak to her? You didn’t see her?’
‘No,’ he says. ‘I … she promised me she wasn’t going to say anything. I think …’ He breaks off again.
‘What?’ I press.
‘I think it was a power game for her. She wanted to know that I’d come running. Her way of asserting control. She was playing with me. She wanted my attention.’ He says