certainly want to kill Rob. I want to roar my anger into his face and tear him limb from limb. I want to slap him and punch him and scream at him: Why? How could you do this? What was wrong with me? Was I not enough? Did you love her more than me? Would you have left us for her?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Dulled by grief and numb with shock, I sit opposite Reza and Nunes. She seems even more severe today. Her hair is scraped harshly back and she’s wearing dark red lipstick that reminds me of dried blood. She’s trying to explain to me why they haven’t been able to pinpoint where Kate fell into the river, saying something about tide times. All they can do is speculate that it was somewhere near where the cruise liners dock, which is not too far from the apartment in Alfama.
We go through the statement I made two days ago when I first reported Kate missing, and the whole time the knowledge that I’m holding on to about Kate and Rob sits inside me like a caged animal trying to break free. I feel like the lies must be written across my face, and it makes me wonder how the hell Rob deceived me for so long. How could he do it, and so damn easily? I never once suspected a thing. I’m such an idiot.
My mind wanders to all the times he said he was working late or meeting a client for an after-work drink. Was he lying? And what about his new-found obsession with the gym? Was that real? Or was he not actually going to spin classes but meeting her for a quickie? He did get fitter, showing off a newly toned stomach and biceps. Was he doing it all to impress her? He told me that now he was a dad he wanted to be fitter.
You bastard, I think again. After everything we went through to have a baby. Did he even want Marlow? I gave birth to our child for Christ’s sake and had stitches in my vagina, not to mention leaking breasts and depression and he was sneaking off to have sex with her …
Is it my fault? I didn’t want sex after Marlow was born. And maybe he was just not that into me given all of the above. No. I refuse to blame myself. The affair started long before we had Marlow, I remind myself, when our sex life was still good. At least, I thought it was good. But the whole time we were having sex, trying for a baby, going through the awful IVF process, he was busy shagging my best friend.
My face heats up with humiliation. Kate asked me about mine and Rob’s sex life when we were at dinner, probing into how often we were having it, warning me he might have an affair. She was laughing at me, basically taunting me.
Hate turns every cell in my body incendiary. How could she do this to me? We were sisters. Is that why she stayed away after Marlow was born? Because she couldn’t stand seeing Rob’s child – the evidence of our marriage? Is that why Rob pushed back when I said I wanted Kate to be her godmother?
‘We interviewed Joaquim and Emanuel this morning.’
My head flies up at that. How long have I been sitting here, zoning out?
‘You did?’ I ask Reza, leaning forward across the desk. ‘And?’
‘They have alibis. We have checked them. The Uber driver who picked them up from your apartment and took them home. He confirmed they were alone. And their flatmate confirmed their arrival and that they stayed in the apartment until eleven o’clock the next morning.’
I try to switch mental gears and focus on this new piece of information, rather than on the affair between Kate and Rob. My suspicions of Joaquim and Emanuel were already mostly quashed after Konstandin and I confronted them, so the news of their alibis doesn’t do much, except settle it once and for all. They didn’t kill Kate.
‘If only we knew why she left the apartment,’ Reza muses.
I nod.
‘The toxicology report came back,’ Nunes says.
I look at him, trying to keep my face blank. I have nothing to feel guilty about. It’s not like I took any drugs. But they’ll probably assume I did and now it’s too late to prove otherwise. I should have got myself tested after I woke up and thought I’d been assaulted.
‘Your friend had