and step back.
‘What’s the matter?’ he asks, wounded.
‘Nothing,’ I say. ‘I just, I can’t right now. I’m so worried.’ I start to pace the room. ‘I thought tomorrow I’d call the embassy. It’s too late now; they’ll be shut. And then the English newspapers. What about that friend of yours, the guy you work with whose wife works at the BBC – do you think she might be able to help?’
‘Help with what?’ Rob asks.
‘With getting it on the news,’ I answer impatiently. ‘We need to get the media involved.’
Rob walks over to the window. ‘Right,’ he says. ‘Yes, sure, I can talk to him tomorrow. See what she says.’ He looks out onto the darkened street.
‘Someone must have seen something,’ I say, rubbing my hands over my face, trying to push away the exhaustion. ‘We should make some posters too and put them up around the neighbourhood,’ I say.
‘Good idea,’ Rob murmurs.
I walk up behind him and link my arms around his waist, pressing my forehead to his back and closing my eyes.
‘What do you think has happened to her?’ Rob finally says under his breath, as though scared to say it too loudly.
‘I don’t know,’ I say.
We stay like that for a few moments. ‘Do you think Kate would ever do something like this for a laugh? Or for attention?’ I blurt. I hadn’t wanted to give the idea serious weight. It seemed somehow disloyal, which is ridiculous given that Kate probably drugged me and tried to get me to sleep with an escort. But I need to bounce the idea off someone and Rob’s the only person who knows Kate almost as well as me.
Rob turns to look at me over his shoulder. ‘Are you serious?’ he asks.
I shrug, already feeling bad for having suggested it. ‘I don’t know. I’m just running through all the scenarios. It’s all I’ve been doing for days. Her mum and Toby both suggested she might be faking it.’
Rob takes a deep breath and lets it out in a rush. ‘God, I don’t know. Why though?’ he asks. ‘Fuck,’ he says rubbing his face with his hand. ‘Maybe.’
‘Maybe?’ I respond loudly, surprised that he’s giving weight to my suggestion. I only raised it because I wanted him to dismiss it out of hand and tell me it was a stupid idea. That way I could put it finally to bed.
‘It is Kate we’re talking about,’ he replies with a shrug. ‘When you said she was missing my first thought was that she’d fucked off on her own.’
‘But that’s different to faking your own disappearance.’
‘Yes, but if anyone was going to fake their disappearance it would be Kate.’
‘But why?’ I ask, repeating his first question. ‘It’s too far, even for her. She might do it for a joke, but she wouldn’t let it go on this long. She’d know how worried I’d be.’
‘Did you fight?’ Rob asks.
I shake my head. ‘No … I don’t think so. The problem is I don’t remember too much about that night. I did wonder if maybe we argued and she went off in a mood. But she’d have to have planned this, leaving her passport and her wallet and things, and that doesn’t make sense.’ I sink down on the bed, head in my hands.
‘Look, why don’t you lie down?’ Rob asks, resting his hand gently on my shoulder. ‘You’re exhausted.’
‘I can’t sleep,’ I say. ‘I’m too anxious.’ It feels as if there’s an anthill in my head.
He sits beside me and puts an arm around my shoulders. ‘It’ll be OK,’ he says, kissing my temple. I lean into him and feel the tears start to well once more. As they start to flow the doorbell buzzes. I pull away, wiping my tears, and look at Rob.
It’s late – past eleven. Who could be knocking on the door at this time of night? It could be guests I suppose, checking in upstairs or with a query about how to work the hot tub. I wait, listening to Sebastian’s footsteps as he heads towards the front door, and then to the sound of him unlocking it. Rob and I both crane to hear the conversation that comes next. It’s a woman speaking. At first my hopes rise that it’s Kate, but no, the woman is speaking Portuguese. A few moments later, there’s a knock on my bedroom door. It opens before we can get to it and Sebastian’s face peers in. He looks pale, pushing his glasses up