it would be taken into consideration.’ Then she adds, ‘We’ve finished at your house. You’re free to go back any time you want to.’
Out of habit, I start to say thank you, but stop myself. I’m not grateful to the police for anything. They’ve devastated my mother’s life, mine too. And whatever evidence they think they have, they’ve got this wrong.
*
In Zoe’s kitchen, sitting at the large table, I’m trying to work out what to do as Cath comes back in.
‘The police called a little while ago. They’ve moved Mum to Bronzefield prison. They’re holding her on remand. But I can visit.’
Cath drops her shopping. ‘We need to contact them. I’ve no idea what the procedure is. I’ll get my laptop and find a number for them.’
I watch her hurry upstairs to fetch it. Then when she comes back, I apologise. ‘Sorry. I should have asked the police. I was so thrown I didn’t think.’
‘Don’t worry about it. You have far too much on your mind.’ Pausing as she turns on her laptop, waiting a couple of minutes, before typing into the search bar. ‘Did you say Bronzefield?’ When I nod, she goes on. ‘Right. I’ve found their website. Everything we need to know is here, including the number to call. When do you want to go?’
‘Any time?’ I stare at her. ‘If you’re sure? Soon? Whenever you’re free?’
‘Let’s see what they say.’ Getting her phone, she calls the number.
I let her make the call, overwhelmed with gratitude that she cares enough to help me. After she finishes talking on the phone, she looks at me. ‘We need to take ID but it’s fixed for tomorrow morning at half-past ten. Is that OK with you?’
I nod, both terrified and overcome by the most profound relief.
*
The following morning, Zoe makes me breakfast and fusses around me. ‘Jess? Please let your mum know we’re all thinking of her and hoping she’s soon home. OK?’
As I nod, she goes on. ‘And I know you’re free to go home now, but if you’d rather, you’re still welcome to stay here as long as you want to.’
‘Thank you.’ There’s a lump in my throat. In a world that feels against me, there seems no end to Zoe’s kindness.
*
It isn’t long before Cath and I set off for Ashford, in Surrey, where Bronzefield is; the thought of seeing my mother a deceptive ray of brightness in looming clouds that haven’t quite reached us. But I don’t allow myself to think of the court case that lies ahead, only of the time I have left, in which to prove her innocence.
The roads are busy, the closer we get to London, the heavier the traffic, but at last we turn off the motorway and it isn’t long before the imposing exterior of the prison looms into view. Suddenly my nerves are back.
It’s as if Cath reads my mind. ‘Would you like me to come in with you? There must be somewhere I can wait while you go and talk to her.’
‘Thanks. If you don’t mind.’
Turning into the car park, she reverses into a parking space. ‘Of course I don’t.’ Switching off the engine, she turns to look at me, then says more quietly, ‘It will be OK, Jess.’
I’m silent. Right now, it’s hard to believe anything will ever be OK.
She gets out. ‘Shall we do this?’
As we walk across the car park, I don’t know what I’m expecting. I’m visiting a woman charged with murder, after all, but when we reach the visitors’ reception, we’re treated courteously as they check our ID, then go into a waiting area, but not for long. Only a short while later, I’m asked to make my way to the main building.
Leaving Cath where she is, I go outside, and round to the main entrance. After presenting photo ID, my biometrics are recorded, then I go through airport-like security, before I’m allowed through an electric door into the visitors’ hall.
Inside, I’m taken by surprise. It’s far more comfortable than I thought it would be, with soft chairs and a children’s play area. With only two or three other people in there, I find a couple of seats away from them, where I wait for my mother.
When she comes in, I almost don’t recognise her. As she walks towards me, her hair is lank, her skin dull, her eyes as though she’s closed herself up. But they light up the moment she sees me. ‘Mum …’ Jumping up, I want to run towards her