a deep breath. “I’m a little worried that if he . . . touches me . . .” I closed my eyes, trying to find the right words. “Where Ben touched me . . . it’ll be . . . it’ll make me think of Ben?” I scrunched up my face. “I don’t want to think of Ben. I just want to—I want that for me. For Jesse and me. I don’t want Ben in the room.” I opened my eyes. Paloma and Emily were nodding.
Paloma tilted her head. “When Jesse kisses you, do you think about Ben?”
“Nnnnn . . . ooo. Mostly no. He’s kissed me like five hundred more times than Ben ever did.”
Emily grinned, and Paloma chuckled. “Okay. So, Jesse’s kissed you more. And what else is different?”
“Heeeee genuinely likes me. . . . He’s not trying to manipulate me.”
“Right. So, you trust his lips.”
I smiled. “Yes.”
“And what about when you hold his hand? Do you think of Ben?”
“No. Not at all.”
“So, you trust his hands?”
I saw where this was going.
“And you’ve been marching around in the woods with him. To places you’ve never been before. Right?”
I nodded.
“So, you trust his brain? And his decision-making abilities?”
“You’re good.” I smiled.
“And you trust you,” Paloma continued.
My smile faded.
“Zelda . . .” Paloma and Emily reached for my hands. “Don’t let Ben take that from you,” Paloma urged me. “You’re smart. You didn’t know how assholes like him operated. Now you do. And you know how to recognize their crap.”
I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
“Look,” Paloma said, “you don’t have to touch Jesse or be touched anywhere you don’t want to be. All I’m saying is this thing with Jesse is totally different. And that makes what you do together different. When you’re ready.”
I knew by now she was another partner I could trust.
Emily shook her head at Paloma. “Can I take you with me for always? Maybe shrink you down and put you in my pocket?”
I giggled. “You’ll have to fight me for her.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
As I packed my things, the rest of the Gildas piled into the cabin along with Will and Jonas. No one could believe how unfair my punishment was, but I just kept thinking about the swimming pool metaphor. I had done the right thing, but the right thing had also given me a stomachache.
“So you can’t even watch the final show?” Will asked.
“Once I’m off camp land, I’m not allowed back.”
“Unbelievable.”
“Tell me about it.” I zipped up my suitcase. “Try to get Nina Knightley’s autograph for me, okay?” Will bit his lip and nodded. “Thanks,” I said. I stood and turned to face everyone. “Time for me to go.”
A knock came at the door, and I jumped, sure it was Ben. Jesse poked his head in, and I wondered how long the ghost of Ben’s abuse would ruin normal moments like that for me.
“Ready, scout?” Jesse was still trying not to smile, but his eyes gave him away.
“There’s one person who’s glad she’s going,” Will said.
“I just want Zelda to be happy,” Jesse countered. “Getting kicked out of improv camp doesn’t make her happy.”
“But . . .” Will pressed.
“But if she can’t have improv camp, I’m happy to try and make her happy a different way.”
Will coughed and folded his arms.
“Like by hiking!” Jesse protested.
“Forgive him,” I said, whacking Will’s shoulder. “We’re protective of each other, but after this whole thing, Will might be on overdrive.”
“You guys should come over,” Jesse sugggested. “Meet Murph and Ricky. We can hang out. Get to know each other better.”
Will gave Jesse a half smile. “Yeah . . . Okay. Let’s do that.”
We all marched back out to the field in front of the Main Lodge where we were met by Karen, the Pauls, and one of the police officers. The second officer was loading an exhausted-looking, handcuffed Ben into the police SUV. Instinctively, I stepped back into the circle of Gildas.
“Zelda,” the officer said, approaching me, “I know you need to talk to your parents when they return, but do you want to press charges against Ben?” She had serious, but kind eyes. “You can always drop the charges after you speak with your parents.”
Squinting, I asked, “Why are you loading him into the car if I might not press charges?”
She nodded at Jesse. “Ben broke Jesse’s nose. That’s third-degree assault—a felony. What I need to know is if you also want to press charges.”
Biting my lip, I shifted from one foot to the