my hands.
“And it is fine, by the way, that you don’t know how. You’ll learn. With the right person, the learning is . . .” He couldn’t push down the smile fighting at the corners of his mouth.
I hit his arm.
“It is!” He laughed a little and pushed me back.
“Ben could be the right person—”
But Will was already shaking his head. “He isn’t. He isn’t!” he insisted. “I know I’ve only had a boyfriend for like five days or whatever, but we’ve known plenty of other people in relationships. I know it shouldn’t be this hard. Or this weird.”
“But his dad just died—”
He shook his head again. “No, Z. There are no excuses for how he’s been treating you. Can’t you see that? The two of you are just wrong together.”
Fire rose up in my belly. “Not everyone gets a Jonas, okay?” I spat. “Would I like a wonderful guy who was my friend for a long time and then suddenly falls in love with me? You bet! But look around! I’m seventeen years old and no one has ever wanted to hold my hand, much less kiss me. And Ben likes me, okay? I’m sorry it’s not up to your pristine standards, but forgive me if I want to see what happens!”
“This isn’t just about the kissing, okay?” he hissed. “And maybe keep your voice down?”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes.
“This,” he continued, “is about his coaching, too. He’s not being a good coach. You don’t have to put up with that. You—”
“Yes, I do!” I couldn’t take it anymore. I sprang to my feet, momentarily forgetting about my toes. I yelped in pain and flopped back down. I settled for folding my arms instead. “I am the only girl in fifteen years to make Varsity. This isn’t just about me.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Who else is this about?”
“Women!” I exclaimed. Two guys in baseball caps walking down the path below the porch looked up. I forced a smile and waved. After a moment of hesitation, they waved back. I lowered my voice. “When I make a mistake, or have a bad scene, it’s not just about me, Zelda, the individual doing that. These guys add it to evidence that girls aren’t funny. It’s all women.”
Will scoffed.
My eyes pricked with tears again, and I hit Will’s arm. “It’s true!”
“You think you’re a stand-in for all women? Come on, Z, you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself.”
I clenched my jaw. “Do you know what High Ropes Jake said to me during rehearsal yesterday? ‘You’re pretty funny for a girl.’ ”
“That’s one jerk. Or he was joking.”
“When I messed up on auditions during 185, Brandon muttered, ‘That’s because girls aren’t funny.’ ”
“Two jerks.”
I whacked Will on the arm again. “Will! Don’t make me feel like a crazy person! This is happening! Why haven’t there been any girls on Varsity for fifteen years?”
“Well, maybe—”
“If you’re thinking it’s because no one has been good enough,” I threatened, pointing a finger at him, “I seriously doubt that.”
“Hardly any girls come here,” he said, not meeting my eyes.
“Maybe because it’s not a safe place to be a girl!” I hissed. Rehearsal was letting out and people started streaming out of the Main Lodge.
Suddenly, Will shook his head like he was waking up from a nap. “Z, I’m the one who said he’s a bad coach. You were defending him. And now . . .” He shook his head again, slower this time. “What are we even arguing about?”
I opened my mouth, but no words came out.
“I don’t think you can have it both ways,” he said, cocking an eyebrow.
I leaned over to wipe that look off his face, but he dodged my hand.
“Look,” I said, pressing on, “whatever. I have to be on Varsity. For Paloma and Emily and Hanna and Sirena. And whatever this thing with Ben is . . . that’s what I have. I didn’t come to you for a lecture, Will.”
“Well, I just want—”
“Will? Are you ready for our hike?” It was Jonas’s voice.
I stared at Will, daring him to finish his sentence. He stared back.
“Hey, guys,” Jonas said, but he only looked at Will.
Will’s eyes held mine for a split-second longer, then broke away to beam up at Jonas. “Hey. Are they calling it for the day?”
But Jonas had noticed my foot. “Zelda!”
“I tripped,” I said, forcing a smile.
Jonas looked over his shoulder at the crowd. “Hanna! Paloma! Come here! Zelda hurt her foot!”
I groaned a little