and drive away. I watched the taillights until they completely disappeared.
When I turned around, I walked directly into Wes.
I gasped and placed my hand over my heart and took a deep breath. He had that dead look in his eyes and it sent fear rushing down my spine. “What were you doing?” His voice was calm and so deceptively soft that I knew he saw the kiss.
“Wes—”
“What were you doing?” He advanced slowly.
I took a step back and quickly looked around. The parking lot was filled with cars but everyone was inside. If I screamed loud enough, though, they might hear me. Might.
“I tried calling you tonight and you never fucking answered me.”
My throat constricted. Suddenly it was getting harder to breathe. “I was busy.”
“Busy with Sinclair? Busy fucking around behind my back?”
My mouth opened but Wes beat me to the chase. “I need to know where you are!” he shouted. “At all times!” He took a step back from me, laced his fingers behind his head, and laughed up at the black sky. “I called and called and you didn’t answer.”
He wasn’t making sense and because of that, I was too afraid to speak. Rationally, I knew I wasn’t dealing with a sane person. Whether I comforted him or angered him didn’t matter; he would snap regardless. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“Okay, okay,” I said soothingly, as if I were talking to a child. I needed to calm him down. To try to defuse the situation and then make a run for it. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls, Wes.”
“Don’t say sorry, Victoria! You’re my wife. Mine! I shouldn’t have to question what my wife is doing each fucking night!” he screamed.
“Wes—”
“Stop talking!”
Suddenly he was in my face, the anger pouring off him in sheets. I could see that the alpha quality I had found so alluring at the beginning, the one that used to pull me in, had two sides, and now the ugly side was rearing its head. There was nothing attractive about it. It was scary and dangerous and I couldn’t get away fast enough. I took a step forward but Wes blocked me.
“First you talk about divorce. Second you mention going back to work. And now you’re going behind my back, turning into a fucking whore. What else are you doing, Victoria?”
His fist slammed into my stomach so fast I had no time to protect myself. I wheezed, my hands instinctively moving to my stomach. Wes shoved me back until I hit the car and his fist connected with my ribs this time.
When I was sixteen and first started driving, my brother teasingly said that if I needed protection, to put the length of my keys on the key chain between my fingers and use it as a weapon. I laughed off his comment then, but now it wasn’t a bad thought. My eyes opened. I blinked through the blinding pain, only to see my keys on the ground, daring me to pick them up.
“Victoria?” Wes grabbed my chin and jerked my head up until I was forced to look him in the eye. “If you leave me, I’ll go after every single person you love.” With his other hand he brushed away my tears. “Renee. Your mother. Even Sinclair. All of them gone.”
“Why are you doing this?”
He frowned at me in confusion, as if I should already know the answer. “Because if you leave my world, what else do I have?”
Without another word, he walked away.
A hideous image comes to mind where Wes is eating my heart. He’s ripping it to pieces and I can feel every single tear as if it’s still attached to me.
I know it’s horrifying. But the worst thing of all is that it’s not too far from the truth. Wes and I were eating at each other instead of building each other up.
All we knew was distraction.
If we continued down this path one of us would be dead.
I don’t remember grabbing my keys. I don’t remember getting into my car.
I just remember ending up slumped over my steering wheel, crying over the memories of Wes and me during the happier times.
My heart saw all of this and whispered to me: But Sinclair Montgomery kissed you. Sinclair Montgomery touched you….
November 2015
There’s a stain on the ceiling.
It breaks up the fine-fissured surface and makes me recount the perforated black dots spread across it. I’ve lain here for an hour, trying to focus my attention on