the shrimp. It’s hard to taste over the stickiness at the roof of my mouth.
Aunt returns with the soup, her eyes wet as if she’s been crying. It’s like having an arrow shoot straight to my heart.
“Aunt —”
“It’s your favourite.” She cuts me off, her voice shaking at the end. “I might not be a good parent, but I can at least cook what you like.”
“It’s okay, Aunt. I understand what trauma feels like.” I stare at my lap before facing her again. “I shouldn’t have blamed it all on you. Mum was sick. Even if you were there, I don’t think much would have changed.”
Her mouth hangs open. “Elsa…”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. I’m sorry, hon.” She leans over and wraps me in a motherly hug. It’s warm and smells like cotton candy and summer. “I’m sorry I wasn’t around from the beginning. I’m so sorry.”
Me, too.
What would it feel like if I were born to a normal mother?
I guess I’ll never know. Whether I admit it or not, my mother was a monster.
I’m the daughter of that monster.
Now, I just have to decide whether to fight or embrace it.
I have to decide if I’m the type of person who locks children up to torture them like Ma or the type who sets them free like Dad.
Death or life.
Darkness or hope.
As I wrap my arms around Aunt, I know exactly who I want to be.
14
Elsa
For the following week, Aiden doesn’t leave me alone.
He’s there during lunch, dropping off my special food. I don’t eat any of it, opting to have lunch boxes, but he keeps bringing it anyway.
He’s also there during practice, passing me water and his sports drink.
I stopped counting the number of times he wanted to talk to me and I refused.
He offers to drive me home after school. I refuse to and choose to ride with Knox instead.
His jaw clenches and his left eye twitches whenever I do that. He clearly doesn’t like it, and I expect him to drag me by force more than once.
He doesn’t.
Every time we cross paths in the hall, he watches me with a disarming intensity. He confiscates my air and tucks it somewhere beyond reach. I often stiffen, expecting him to drag me into a corner, announcing the game is over, and teach me whom I belong to in his sadistic dominating ways.
None of that happened.
It’s weird.
No. It’s disarming.
His nice, grovelling side is starting to freak me out.
Aiden doesn’t do grovelling. Aiden takes without permission, leaving disaster in his wake.
I toss and turn at night thinking he might be genuine, maybe he really changed. Then I recall who he is, what he is, and quickly squash those thoughts.
People like Aiden don’t change. They’re too comfortable on their high and mighty pedestals to stoop low.
All this must be another ploy to make me trust him just so he can fuck me over again.
I’m done being that fool.
I’m done being played.
To his credit, I barely saw him with Silver in the school’s hallways. But who knows what’s going on behind closed doors.
Not that I care.
“Are you coming?”
I’m brought back to the present by Teal’s voice. She’s wearing her usual bored expression as she studies her black-polished nails.
“Yes!” Kim grabs my arm. “Let’s go.”
I can’t believe I agreed to this, but then again, Knox tricked me.
Apparently, he’s into football and was accepted into Elites. Teal and Kim wanted to see him play.
I don’t like being within two metres from the football pitch.
“I beat you in maths. You owe me, Ellie.”
And just like that, Knox had blackmailed me into watching the practice.
Teal, Kim, and I walk towards the pitch together.
“I’m telling you, our team is crazy good. You’re going to fall in love at first sight.” Kim interlaces her arm with Teal’s.
“Love is for losers,” Teal deadpans.
“You’re funny,” Kim laughs.
She thinks Teal is joking, but I doubt she is. Teal has an eccentric personality and the weirdest sense of humour. Sometimes, I don’t realise it’s a joke until she says it is.
The fact that she’s Knox’s twin is even stranger.
Kim decided Teal should belong in our circle because she’s ‘so cool’.
Kim thinks only rock stars are cool. The fact that she clicked with Teal so fast is a miracle in itself. Even Teal seems to like her. She offered her a cup of coffee the other day — and Teal doesn’t offer things.
My nerves skyrocket when we approach the wires and the players. It’s like I’m walking straight onto the battlefield.
Teal watches her surroundings and stops when