where Holt and my hands were joined before they drifted back up to him.
“Um, Hayden. This is Holt Dixon.” I gestured awkwardly between them. “My roommate,” I explained quickly. Her smile was mischievous. He flinched, but recovered quickly.
“And you’re the boss,” he said with ease.
“You’ve heard of me. I’m not sure that’s good.” She shuddered.
He gave her his easy grin. The one I was sure he’d drawn in many a woman with. “All good. No need for concern.”
“Glad to hear it.” She turned to me. “Were you heading out?”
“No. Holt just came by for a quick visit.”
“Then come with me. I want you to see the process of finalizing an issue.”
Holt dropped my hand and chucked my shoulder. “See you at home, roomie.”
The stab of the word slashed my gut. He caught the closing elevator door and disappeared inside before I could respond.
We’d just gotten back on track, but it felt like we’d already derailed.
Chapter Nineteen
Holt
I’d been a step away from blowing her off.
But damn it, my desire to see Baker far outweighed my irritation.
I shoved the front door open and kicked it closed. Baker jumped when it slammed.
“Hi.” The greeting came out more like a question. She edged closer to the counter, her eyes wary as I stalked across the room.
Wordlessly, I dumped the pizza, beer, and my keys on the island. Her breath stopped when I stepped into her space.
“You just wanna be roommates?” The sentence was a tease. But I wanted her to know exactly how much I was beginning to hate that word.
“I—”
“Because it’s completely your call.” I cut her off, inching my face closer to hers.
“How was I supposed to describe you to my boss? I have no idea what we are.”
“You could have just left it at my name. Instead, you tacked on a roommate at the last second like you didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. Never mind that we were holding hands.” I paced in the small space between the island and the cooktop. Maybe I had no right to be aggravated over that, but it was official. I definitely hated that word. Especially when it came to Baker and me.
“I—” She paused and deflated. “I don’t know why I said it. As soon as the word popped out, I wanted to take it back.”
I studied her face. She was telling the truth, and that relieved me more than it should.
“You know how you hate the word space. Well, I despise the word roommate. Never refer to me as that again.”
“But you are.” She threw up her hands.
“I don’t want to be anymore.”
She recoiled, and I realized the mistake of what I’d said.
Her chin lifted, that perfect face lowering a shield to hide her hurt. “Are you moving or am I?”
The world slammed to a stop. “Nobody is going anywhere.”
“You’re right,” she said, a minuscule amount of relief knifing through my consuming anger. “I like this apartment. And I’m not letting you push me out of it. So if you’re not happy, you’ll have to be the one to go.”
I stared at her, stunned into silence and proud of her at once for standing her ground. Somehow I sensed she needed that. But I meant what I said.
“I think we’re both feeling our way through this,” I started, trying to stay calm. She stared at me, unimpressed. “I sure as hell didn’t expect this.” I gestured between us.
Baker folded her arms across her chest. She saw right through my half-truth. On the one hand, I saw us coming a mile away. It was one reason I proposed we lived together in the first place. But I hadn’t anticipated this clawing need I had for her. Hadn’t expected how much I liked living with her. Being around her. How much I wanted to break my own rules and go all in with her. But I couldn’t. And I should have told her that from the start.
“I can’t give you what you want.”
She tapped her foot. “How do you have any idea what I want?”
“Commitment. Am I right?”
The look she shot me made me question my rationale. All the women I’d ever known wanted commitment, even when they changed their minds.
“No. I’m not anywhere near ready for that.”
“With me?” I asked, affronted.
She rolled her eyes. “With anybody.”
Somehow, that didn’t sit well with me. “I guess I should have asked.”
“I guess you should have.” She softened. “I didn’t ask what you wanted, either.”
Wow. Hadn’t expected this.
The woman constantly took me by surprise.
“I like