I couldn’t keep the fear from my eyes when Erin passed. My lip bled where I’d been gnawing on it. She gave me a very quick and very subtle thumbs up as she passed. God, I wished I could text her, but no phones were allowed in rehearsal, ever. Of course. I kept trying to get her attention, but she was distracted as she moved her stuff up to first chair. I smiled so big. I had been so caught up in my own drama it hadn’t even occurred to me that she may be changing seats.
When she eventually looked my way, I gave her the biggest smile and double thumbs up despite the dread somersaulting through my gut.
Finally, it was our turn, the cellos. I let Carla and the others go first and kept myself firmly in the middle.
If Carla’s swearing under her breath was any indication, I knew what was coming.
“Third chair. Third? Are you kidding me?” she was growling at Barry. When I got close enough to look, she didn’t move. I had to bend around her to see.
It read: First chair - Christine Day.
My heart plummeted when it should have rejoiced. Now the rumors would have even more fuel.
I was first. Barry was second, Carla third, and Joe had slid from third to fourth but he just nodded like it was the result he’d expected.
“This is bull,” Carla said. “My father promised—” She cut herself short and crossed her arms.
My heart slammed against my chest. She shot me a look of pure hatred. I had no excuses. She waved away Barry’s comfort. I had done this. I had caused her reaction. What if—
“Carla, I’m sorry,” I said.
She looked at me and frowned. “Isn’t this exactly what you wanted?”
My head was shaking. “No.”
“You should be happy,” she said. “After all you sure did earn it.” She wiped away a quick tear.
Had I earned it? What if … what if Devlin thought …
I couldn’t think. That pressing weight sat firmly on my chest again. I needed out of that room. I didn’t want the solo. I didn’t want first chair. Not like this.
“Ms. Day, where are you going?” I was almost out of the room when I stopped at Devlin’s question.
“I just need to—”
His brows drew together. “Rehearsal isn’t over.”
“Teacher’s pet,” Carla mumbled.
I couldn’t speak. The room started to spin. I didn’t ask for this. I wanted to scream it.
Carla was glaring at me with red-rimmed eyes. I’d made a huge mistake. I had gone too far. My whole body shook with tremors.
“I don’t feel well. I need to go.”
Chapter 33
Play like there is no one to offend.
KIM
Roddy was waiting right outside the room holding a giant bundle of flowers.
His smile was huge as he said, “Congratulations.”
I ran right up to him and threw my arms around his neck. I squeezed so tight. A friendly face was so desperately needed. I drew up all the good things his smell and memories did for me. I brought up all the happy and pushed away all the negativity.
“Yo-Yo?”
I squeezed him harder but then let go. “I need a break. Get me away from here.”
“Okay. What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy to get first chair. My parents told me. They were pleased. So am I. Why aren’t you?”
“Please, let’s talk somewhere else.”
I tugged him toward the exit. If I could just take a minute to right my thoughts, talk through some things. A big part of me wanted to go to Devlin for this, but I couldn’t now. Not with all those faces watching.
Roddy stopped me before we got outside and put his hands on my shoulders. “Talk to me, Yo-yo.”
“It’s just too much.” I gestured back to the performance space. “I appreciate it, I really do. I know that means the committee saw some talent in me, but people are talking about me like I did this or did something … unprofessional to get it.”
I focused on his Adam’s apple as I spoke. His skin was fair, more fair than mine. There were little red bumps where he shaved.
“I heard the rumors too. Absolutely absurd. Trust me, I’ve talked to Richard and Andrew about it. My parents too. Nobody will stand for this.”
“You have?” I asked.
“Yes. Can you imagine? You and Devlin? Like he has anything to offer you.” His face was contorted with disgust. “Even if he does want you as his little pet, I won’t let him use you up like that. You’d be wasted as some