lit up rooms. My smile fell. “I’m not like you two. I’m flat.”
Gretchen guffawed. “No, you are not. Get out of here with that nonsense.”
“You have fire in you,” Suzie said. “We’ve seen it and heard it.”
“Me?” I’d worked so hard to make myself small.
“When you play, you bring people joy. You give your lessons for free to kids who can’t afford it. Don’t pretend that you aren’t spreading light,” Gretchen said.
“Imagine if instead of worrying about taking, you put all that energy into giving,” Suzie said. “You really put your soul into everything you say and do.”
“Devlin said something similar. He said that’s what you leave with people. How they felt, not what you did,” I smiled.
“Ah, dammit,” Gretchen said. “I hate when a man is right.”
Suzie and I shared a smile. A bubbling sensation filled my chest. It felt like hope. It was that feeling after my breakthrough with Devlin. It came back after talking with my parents. Now it was here again. What if I could make a difference? What if I could be a person that brought other people joy through my playing?
Even if the SOOK wouldn’t have me, I would find a way to play. I was alive when I really let myself go and played fully with my heart. I missed that. I could still do the lessons for the kids in town. Maybe I’d find another symphony to play with.
“I think I would like that,” I said.
“I know what I want. I want to go to this awesome concert.” Gretchen turned her phone to me.
“‘The Devil Unmasked? With special guest Erik Jones.’ What’s this?” I asked.
“Not sure.” She shrugged not so innocently. “Guess we should go and find out.”
“Oh my God. Is he going to take off his mask?”
Suzie raised her eyebrows. “Sounds like it.”
“So hypothetically speaking, if you were going to start playing again. Is there maybe a song you’d play? Maybe one you’ve spent months perfecting?” Gretchen asked with a wry smile.
A new thrill crossed my mind. I glanced at my phone. What day was it even? I had a plan. I could make things right and start living again.
“I have an idea,” I said. “But I need your help.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m a step ahead of you. The bats are in my car.”
Suzie shook her head. “Oh, for crying out loud …”
Chapter 39
I love you. I always have.
DEVLIN
I sent Kim the letter four days ago. I hadn’t heard back, but I wasn’t dwelling. I had a plan.
I’d begged, groveled, and sold myself out. As part of being reinstated the Board had insisted I talk to each and every member of the symphony. I begged for one more chance. It wasn’t easy. Most of the performers were hesitant. With each house visited, I grew more determined. Even if it was just me up there, at least I’d done everything I could. I gave it everything.
Here I was, pimping myself out as Erik Jones, and I didn’t care. This was about proving that I could let the past go. It wasn’t the showcase I thought I wanted. It might make me lose all credibility, but I didn’t care anymore about being taken seriously by the classical music world. If they couldn’t disassociate the pop star from the composer, well, that was on them. I’d keep making music. I’d keep moving forward. Those who mattered would know. But at this point, there was one person I wanted to show that I was changed. One person I wanted to see and know the real me.
Tonight was the night. I dressed in a suit and tie. I wore dress shoes for crying out loud. I came in Wes’s minivan, the whole family in tow.
“It’s going to be great. You’ll see,” my mother said.
Even Wes clapped me on the shoulder and said, “You’re doing the right thing. I’m proud of you, man.”
Backstage, I slid my sweaty palms down my dress pants as the hot ball of nerves ate at my gut. Andrew and Richard were on stage addressing the audience. They spoke about a bunch of things I couldn’t hear. I was too wracked with nerves.
Richard said, “Without further ado, the reason you are all here. Our Maestro and composer, Devlin.”
Andrew leaned forward to the mic. “You may know him better as Erik Jones.”
The crowd gasped and began to clap wildly and scream.
I stepped on to the stage. The mask was gone. My face was fully on display. I had nothing to lose. The SOOK had sold