done enough times to come naturally.
We met again back at the wall where we started. We were both panting and grinning like fools. What was it about a swim race that brought out the child in a person in the best way?
“It was a tie,” I panted.
“Only because you cheated. If you hadn’t, I would’ve won.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
He leaned on the wall with arms crossed. “Okay. You’re a solid swimmer.”
“Oh my goodness,” I said clutching a hand to my chest.
He put his hand on my shoulder, his eyes searched me. “What’s wrong? Cramp?”
“No. I just—I think you just gave me a compliment.”
He dropped his hand slowly into the water as his face formed a scowl. “I rescind it for unsportsman-like conduct.”
“Too late. I heard it. It’s going to my head as we speak.”
Using a cupped hand, he splashed water in my face. I sputtered and kicked him.
“Ouch! Is swimming your workout of choice?” he asked as he backed out of kicking range.
“Yes.”
“You work out a lot?”
“Yeah.” I felt weird talking about it, but it was so crucial for me. I added, “It helps to focus on something. If I don’t work out, I get—” I hesitated.
“I get it. Me too. Mental health.”
“Yeah. My parents were pretty strict after …”
“After you got out of rehab?” he asked bluntly. There was no pity or judgement in his tone. Just as though he were asking about my last dental checkup and not the worst year of my life.
“Uh, yeah. I wasn’t sure if you knew about all that.”
“I’ve heard some things.” His gaze moved to his own arms, crossed and resting on the edge of the pool.
“Ah yes. Kim, the wild child who ruined it all.” Emotion cracked my voice. I wanted one person who knew me as me and not my past.
“What actually happened?” He returned his gaze to hold mine. No judgement.
My face scrunched up. “Are you sure you want to hear?”
“I wouldn’t have asked,” he said sincerely.
“I was on a set track since birth. I’d always been uber-motivated. Great grades. Acceptance to Juilliard. Everything was going great. Until it wasn’t.”
He nodded. “It’s a lot on the shoulders of a kid.”
“Yeah, and I skipped a grade, and with a late birthday too. So, I was sixteen and had spent a whole lifetime up to that point focused on that one goal. Graduate and become first chair of an orchestra like the New York Philharmonic or somewhere huge.”
He didn’t say anything, just listened. My goodness, a man who listened. Call the church, we had a miracle on our hands.
“One day, at the start of my Senior year, it all just felt like too much. I’d just gotten home from school. I had to get ready for my private lesson and it suddenly it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like I couldn’t get off my bed and even grab my cello. That weekend I went to a bar I knew wouldn’t check IDs. I was looking for trouble, and I found him. His name was Jethro. I fell hard and fast. He was beautiful and charming and so sweet.” I sighed with a little blush.
Jethro hadn’t loved me, but he had loved my body. The fallout of my disastrous choices overshadowed so much of the greatness of those short few months, but there were revelations too. My body had been a mystery before Jethro, something I used to accomplish a goal. After that, it was like I had this super-power. I could feel pleasure whenever I wanted. More than that, another person could bring me pleasure. I’d felt so many things. The man had opened me up. And he’d been damn good at it. I’d discovered what I liked and didn’t like.
Thinking about all this reminded me it had been a while since I’d had that with another partner. I was … well, I was the bear in the cage and sex was the steak. You know what? Forget the bear thing. Truth was, Jethro had given me an appetite and I hadn’t been sated since.
“Unfortunately, he moved with a fast crowd—a terrible motorcycle club. He was a lost soul then too. His daddy was bad news. Anyway, I got hooked on the feeling of riding with him. That unpredictability and wildness. I skipped lessons, and then school. I was absolutely addicted to not having any plans.” I closed my eyes and remembered the vibration of the bike as it rattled my chest. The open road ahead with nothing to