but it feels like forever. He’s the last person I think about before I fall asleep and the first person I remember when I wake. If I had to choose to spend a lifetime with one person, it would be him. Without question. And it really hits me. I’m not in love with the boy Kyle was when we were eleven. I’m in love with the man he’s become. The man who could so easily have anyone, but chose me.
And I want to tell him. I want to call him up, ask him to meet me, and tell him face to face that I’m irreversibly, undeniably in love with him.
Which is crazy, right? I mean we’ve kissed. Had some serious make out sessions. But I’m still a virgin. Am I being naive?
I need to talk to Gina.
Quickly I text, I love Kyle.
Her response comes back: Bullshit. You can’t love someone you haven’t slept with. My recommendation: Lose your virginity. Kiss at least three more boys, and then get back to me.
I snort. Text: I don’t want to lose my virginity to anyone but Kyle. He’s the only person I ever think about… when I think about those kinds of things.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You have those kinds of feelings? I thought your insides were all sunshine and rainbows.
Rude. And I’m not a prude. Occasionally there is a… storm. And it involves Kyle.
You’re weird. Whatever. You love him. But is it enough to forget about the past? What his father did?
That’s a very good question. One I don’t have the answer to. I decide to change the subject. How’s alone time with Collin?
Awesome. Getting ready to party. Want to talk more tomorrow?
K. Be safe.
You too.:)
I put in a CD and push play. My aunt and uncle are downstairs watching TV, but I still keep the music low. I sit on my bed, wrapping my arms around my waist. I’m already feeling antsy. Craving a party and the lovely, warm feelings that accompany a couple of drinks. Flopping back against my pillows, I try to get lost in the music. It’s Gina’s favorite band—Black Veil Brides. I’ve decided the lyrics aren’t horrible. In fact they’re kind of poetic. The lead singer’s voice is deep, low. I’m almost lulled to sleep when I feel my phone vibrate on my stomach.
Can I see you tonight?
I check the number. It’s from Kyle.
Um, probably not. It’s late. I would love to see him, but I don’t want to risk it. He told me he’s staying with Evan. If he were to leave that would mean Evan would know. I can’t take a chance.
I really miss you. And I didn’t get to give you a proper good-bye kiss. Please.
I sigh.
Aren’t you tired? I text back, laughing. It’s really sweet that he’s talking to me though. I was worried he might be mad.
Nah. Plus, I’m parked outside your house. Come down.
I jump off my bed and pull back the curtains. A large oak tree sits in the center of my window, but because it’s winter I can see Kyle’s Jeep through the leafless branches. It’s parked across the street beside a large snowdrift.
My aunt and uncle are still awake. I can’t. My heart is racing. I really do want to see him. The curtains fall back into place and I search the room, trying to think of an excuse to leave the house. Nothing is coming. My phone vibrates.
Are you five? Just tell them you’re going out with friends.
Holy crap. Duh. I should be afraid for Kyle. Because of what Evan said, threatened. But since he’s already here, there’s nothing I can do about it, right? And if he’s here then he’s safe. At least for now. Fine. I’ll be right down.
I run a quick brush through my hair. Pull on his sweatshirt, the one he let me borrow. Grab my black Uggs and slide them on. Then run downstairs.
“Hey, I’m going out with friends. I’ll be back later.” I open the front door.
“Hold up, darling.” Uncle John walks into the foyer. “Where ya heading?”
I shrug. “Just out.”
“With whom?” Aunt Eliza asks.
I can’t tell them it’s Kyle. They wouldn’t understand. “With some people from school.”
“People?” Uncle John deadpans.
“Fine. It’s a boy.”
Aunt Eliza steps forward, but I run down the steps. “I’ll be back in a while.”
“You have your phone?” Uncle John asks.
“Yep,” I say.
“Have fun. And remember the Titans,” Uncle John adds, tapping his nose.
“Um, okay. I will.”
Uncle John shuts the door.
I dash across the street. Kyle is wearing