Maddie covers her face with her hands. From behind her hands she clears her throat. “Repeat after me.” She peeks around her fingers. “I, Kyle Hadley, do swear never to tell anyone about this pact.” She smacks my thigh, and I grab her hand in mine.
“I, Kyle Hadley, swear never to tell anyone about this pact.”
She nods. Then surprises me. “When should we start practicing?”
My heart is racing. A thickness surges in the back of my throat. “Saturday night?”
“Okay. Just kissing though.” She smiles, her huge, dazzling smile. “Brace-face.”
I swallow, squeeze her hand lightly. “Freckles.”
“Frizz Head.” She smacks me in the arm.
“Fish Lips.”
“Hey,” she says, and laughs.
“I’m teasing. You have the most beautiful lips…” I trail off, my eyes focused on them. I want to kiss her now. Right this second.
As I watch her sleep, I realize the feelings I had for her at the age of eleven have grown. And I still want to kiss her. More than anything. The emotions are stronger than I ever believed possible.
We never got the chance to practice. Her parents were killed a couple of days later, and she was gone.
Regret momentarily bruises my chest. I didn’t keep my promises. But I know there’s no sense dwelling on it. I can’t change the past any more than I can fix it.
I pull off my pants, slip off my shirt, and slide into bed beside her. She rolls over, facing me. Still fast asleep. I can’t help but study her, the angle of her jaw and the arch in her brows. Her long lashes. Even with smeared makeup, she’s so beautiful. One of her hands reaches out. I take it and wrap it in mine. Kiss each fingertip.
“Maddie. Can you hear me?”
She nods slightly.
“I’m so glad you’re here. Please let me be a part of your life.”
She sighs, and I can’t help it. I rub my thumb against her lips. Stroke her jaw, brush the hair off her face. The urge to kiss her is almost unbearable. But I resist. Not yet.
I close my eyes. Allow myself to relax. It dawns on me I’m content. Happy. With that knowledge comes apprehension. In my life contentment equals change. And that usually isn’t good.
Maddie
I wake abruptly, my head pounding. Open my eyes and push back a scream.
Where am I?
There’s pressure across my middle, and I look down. Even in the dark I can make out an arm. A guy’s arm. It’s resting across my stomach. I turn my head ever so slightly and see him.
It’s Kyle. He’s lying on his stomach. Half his face buried in a pillow. Nervous dread swallows me whole.
What have I done?
Carefully, so carefully I try to scoot out from under his arm. I can’t be here. I can’t. I can’t. But I have no idea where here is. I don’t remember leaving the party. Did we walk? Drive?
Everything after the fourth Jell-O shot is wiped. Panic sets in. Did he drug me? Did we do it?
Please, no.
And, Gina! I ditched her again. She probably thinks I’m the worst friend. She wouldn’t be wrong. Sick horror fills my throat.
I scoot further away.
His hand tightens around my waist. “Don’t go,” Kyle mumbles.
“I-I. How did I get here?”
His eyes open and he lifts up.
My eyes register he isn’t wearing a shirt. His hair is beautifully rumpled. His face is soft, young, and I see the boy I love in his features.
Oh my.
He seems to notice where his hand is and grips my waist tighter, pulling me closer. “Nothing happened,” he says, probably reading the terrified look on my face.
“Okay,” I answer, grateful. Every part of my body wants to believe he’s telling the truth. My first time is definitely something I want to remember. My heart is beating so fast I fear it’ll burst through my chest, my skin, and reveal all my secrets.
His face shifts closer to mine. My first thought it to reach up and trace his jaw line, his nose, and those lips. Run my fingers through his untamed hair, down the muscles on his back, his arms, and his chest.
“You asked me to kiss you.” His face is close, so close I can almost taste him.
My face flushes hot as the sun. I’m afraid I’ll burn him with my humiliation. “I’m sorry.” I peer at him. “I shouldn’t have.”
“I can do it now.” His voice is gruff, coursing with the desire I feel but can’t show.
My heart is bleeding, tearing itself into pieces. I want him to kiss me. I