the best one is the one that still hurts but maybe hurts the least. Sometimes, there’s no good answer.”
That’s what scared me the most. At the end of this, I’d end up just as damaged as when I started.
23
Daniel
I opened the door, and for a moment, froze just to take Hanna in. Somehow, even dressed down, she managed to steal my breath. Like she was in risqué lingerie, instead of jeans, a black tank, and an oversized cardigan.
“Hey,” she said, bringing me out of my stupor.
“Hey. You came.”
“Of course, I did,” she said, laughing, stepping past me into my apartment. “Besides, why wouldn’t I?”
I closed the door and led her to the kitchen, pondering how I wanted to answer her question. I could think of a million reasons that she should stay far away from me, but the one most prevalent was that she didn’t need me anymore.
“I figured we covered all the bases, so to speak.”
Another laugh. This was with a shy smile and a blush.
Somewhere over our time in the Caribbean, boundaries blurred. Justifying my actions by saying I wanted to help her couldn’t mask the way I craved her. I couldn’t lie and say I did it all for her. I wanted to be around her for me. I liked her. A lot. And breaking down those boundaries left me in a limbo I didn’t know how to navigate.
Did she want to continue how we were those last few days on the beach, like a couple who had a right to touch and kiss? Or did she want to go back to friends, who only touched at Voyeur?
I guessed tonight would test the last one. I invited her to my apartment because I wanted privacy and time.
“You’re still my friend. Whether the benefits end or not.”
She perched on the edge of a bar stool as I grabbed a bottle of wine, but I stopped at her words. She said them as a statement, but I heard the question behind them—the same uncertainty that swirled inside me slipped out with one sentence.
I set the wine on the counter and waited for her to meet my eyes. “Like I said, I’m all yours.”
Her hand slid over mine to grab the glass and stayed there. The moment stretched as we danced around the real question of what we were doing, or better yet, how much longer we could do it before something imploded.
I wasn’t ready yet. I couldn’t have the actual conversation our eyes were sharing right now. I cleared my throat and softly extracted my hand.
“It’s no hardship. You’re a beautiful woman.”
“You’re not too bad yourself.”
“I do the best I can for my age,” I joked with a wink.
“Yeah, I mean, how old are you? Sixty? Seventy?” She tried to hide her smile behind her glass, but her eyes glimmered with humor.
“You’re a riot.”
“Numbers are my jam. What can I say?”
“Speaking of numbers, how was heading back to work today?”
What I really wanted to ask was, how was it seeing what’s his face? Did you flirt? Did you finally accept his date? Is this ending soon because you’re good to go now that you know you can have sex?
“It was fine. I had lunch with Alex and avoided the third degree from Erik by hiding in my office and catching up on work.”
“He worries about you.”
I worried about her. We’d managed to move past our argument in the Caribbean and enjoyed each other the rest of the trip, but I couldn’t shake her denial of the past still bothering her. Every time she snapped about it and then said she was fine, my fears grew. How much longer could she go before she exploded?
“That he does. And I love him for it. But I’m also in the latter half of my twenties. At some point, I have to be able to live my life without explaining everything like I’m twelve. Hell, my mom and dad don’t even pester me so much.”
“I can’t imagine. David and I were wild, but as long as we didn’t set anything on fire or get arrested, our parents didn’t really care.”
“And were you able to do that?”
“I never got arrested. We may have set a few things on fire.”
“You hellion,” she joked. “So, what do you have planned for tonight?”
Walking around the bar, I studied her, tried to pick up on any nerves she may have. The closer I got, the harder the pulse against her neck got. Her lips parted when I slid