momentum in her mind the more she said it.
“What?”
She stood tall and pulled her shoulders back, confidence in her decision radiating off her, doing its best to pull me into her idea. “Yeah. Come on,” she coaxed. “Let’s go. I’ll do it with you.”
Humoring her and maybe out of a bit more than curiosity, I asked, “Okay, where to?”
“Hmmm.” She tipped her head and tapped her finger against pursed lips. “Italy,” she finally said.
I laughed and rubbed my hand along the back of my neck. “I uh, I don’t have a passport.”
She blinked with a deadpanned stare, one brow creeping high with judgment I deserved. “How do you not have a passport?”
“I got one,” I defended. “I just let it expire.”
“Daniel,” she reprimanded without heat, slapping my chest.
“I know, I know. I’ll update it.”
“You better.”
Her glare changed to an expectant glare, waiting for my answer about traveling together. “Okay, fine. You win. Where would we go?”
“Obviously someplace in the US,” she joked. “How about two places? I’ll pick one, and you pick one.”
“Okay. You pick first.”
“Hmmm…Let’s do the mountains.”
“That sounds good.” I thought about where to go and remembered a conversation with Sabrina and how much she’d always wanted to hear the waves. She’d made me promise to take her to the beach one day. She just never gave me the chance. “How about I surprise you?”
“Okay.” She nodded, her smile growing. “We’re doing this.”
We were doing this. I was going to travel with Hanna, and the scenarios that flashed through my mind ranged from playing games and laughing to…other things and a lot of moaning. Adrenaline flooded my veins, a heady concoction of excitement tinged in fear of the unknown. But looking down at her wide smile, I didn’t question it.
The music finished playing, and Erik stood on the stage with a microphone. “Thank you, everyone. It’s that time of night to soak up all the alcohol. Dinner will be served in Corbett Tower, followed by speeches from our wonderful guests, and finally the prizes.”
Applause broke out before everyone shuffled to the next room.
“Do you talk?” I asked Hanna.
“God, no. I’m a more behind the scenes kind of girl.”
She struggled to hold my eyes, and I knew there was more than just wanting to stay behind the scenes as the reason she didn’t share her story at these events. “You should. Maybe it would add to your control you’re working on.”
“You sound like Erik,” she snapped. “Always pushing me to stand up and shout everything from the rooftops. I don’t need to talk about it to be fine.”
I knew that. A lot of people did fine without discussing too in-depth. But every time her past came into the conversation, her irritation came with it. The more I observed Hanna, the more I saw a pot bubbling a little too high. I had no doubt she dealt with the biggest of her fears and shelved her biggest issues, but just because the biggest monsters were conquered, didn’t mean the small ones couldn’t do as much damage. The problem was that you sometimes missed them before it was too late.
“Sometimes, talking about it with likeminded people can help.”
She ground her jaw but didn’t face me. “Sometimes, it’s okay to not toss everything out there. Sometimes it’s okay to keep it to yourself. Sometimes we get to keep a box just for us, and that’s okay. I don’t need to tell everyone everything.”
By the end, her chest rose and fell over her heated speech. I didn’t think she’d meant to admit as much as came out in her rant.
I couldn’t blame her for wanting to keep some things to herself. I never really wanted to talk about Sabrina because sometimes the past was easier to pretend to forget. Like it didn’t dabble in the decisions we made every day.
It was easier to pretend it didn’t happen, and that we’re okay if we didn’t talk about it.
Yeah, I understood Hanna’s reasoning to stay behind the scenes better than anyone.
I liked to pretend the past didn’t haunt me either.
I just couldn’t help but wonder how full Hanna’s box was. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was as full as Sabrina’s. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would have been there to help Sabrina open her box that she would have made it.
Maybe that was all Hanna needed, just someone strong and steady to help her face the remaining monsters.
By the end of the night, I’d already thought of plans to help Hanna