spend the rest of his life regretting what happened and trying to make it up to you.” She grabs a tissue and wipes my eyes for me, waiting for my answer.
“I can’t. We both know we can’t. He could be having a baby with my mum. You and I both know that’s gross. And not only that, but what if something else happens and he pushes me away again, just like last time? I don’t think I could take that. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if he rejected me like that again.”
She wipes more tears from my face and sighs. “Is that how you really feel? You think he’s going to do it again to you?”
I nod my head. “Yes,” I then shake my head. “No … Ugh, I don’t know.”
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. You’re obviously hurting more than I realized and nowhere near being able to forget everything that’s happened and move on. I fucked up, and I can only apologize.”
I frown, looking at her for answers. “What do you mean?”
Her eyes downcast, she speaks. “I called Jake last night and asked him to come. When I saw the look on your face when Jerry and I kissed, I couldn’t take it. I only did what I thought a true friend should do, so when I left you all at the table together, I went to the restroom and called him. I told him that you were miserable without him and that if he hopped in his car right then and got here, that I would near enough guarantee you’d be in his arms by the end of the night. I was right about one thing, but I completely messed up. You should have heard the hope in his voice. I have no doubt that he didn’t grab his keys and head for the door the moment he put the phone down. And now I’ve gone and fucked up, hurting the pair of you. I’ve turned what should have been the best night of your life into the worst nightmare for you, and I feel like shit because of it.”
I should be angry at her, but I’m not. She’s my best friend and was only doing what she thought was best for me.
I take her hand in mine in reassurance. “Last night was perfect in every way. I couldn’t have planned a better night myself. You have no reason to feel guilty. I couldn’t hate you for that. Don’t be hard on yourself. Both Jake and I knew when we got together last night that it would be a different story when we woke up. I think we thought that as we were miles away from our predicament, we could allow ourselves that one moment of weakness. Despite knowing he could be having a baby with my mother, I have zero regrets about last night.”
The mood all morning is indescribable. I’m miserable as sin as I pack my things to leave. Knowing that Jake may still be upstairs squeezes my heart so much it hurts.
As I’m getting ready, I take some time to write a note to Luca—the lovely, dangerous gentleman who bought me champagne. I don’t care whether he’s dangerous or not, I’m not going to leave without even a thank you.
After leaving the note with the front desk and checking out, I run to Jessie’s car as fast as my legs can carry me. I offer to drive as she was the one who drove down here. However, she knows I’m not in the right frame of mind, so she declines my offer.
She lets me be alone with my thoughts the whole journey home, and I appreciate her for that. Now is not the time for what ifs and buts. I feel as lonely as hell, and I must admit, a tiny part of me is wondering whether I did the right thing last night considering how shitty I feel now. That tiny part—although minuscule—feels raw and disgusted with myself for giving in last night. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect, him turning up at the precise point when that song came on. It gives me butterflies in my stomach thinking about what happened between us, but then all too soon, I remember everything else, and then that sickly feeling crawls over my skin again.
When we get back to Fairfax, I’m exhausted. I thank Jessie profusely then go to bed. I cry for hours before my body eventually gives in to sleep. I