now is not the time for confessions of love. I watch as he moans and then a deep frown forms on his face. “I never touched her,” he mutters, before gently snoring.
His words are a punch to my gut. I would believe Jake if only he remembered that night. He admits himself that he doesn’t recall anything, so how can he be certain? The thought has my nausea back in full force. At the end of the day, the baby’s paternity will be the answer to the question burning our lips these past couple of weeks.
Shaking off those nasty thoughts, I stare at him for a few more seconds before glancing around his room. The ache takes over, remembering all the good memories we’ve shared here. All the times we made love, laughed, and held each other.
Walking to the window, I open it to try and get the smell away before I hold a bedside vigil in the comfortable chair by his bed. It’s there in the dead of silence that I notice something on the floor.
Bending down to pick it up, I unfold the piece of paper only to find a scan of a well outlined baby.
His baby.
Tears immediately spring in my eyes as the pain of seeing the image courses through my veins. Panic sets in as I think about what we did two days ago and how much this baby is going to affect us.
Looking down at the scan, I notice the baby’s fist held high in the picture. From his mouth, a little bubble forms, and for a split second it makes me smile. This baby. This poor baby is the innocent one in all of this fucked up mess.
And that’s why as soon as Matthew’s back and I know Jake will be okay, I need to leave.
So I get up, walking towards Jake’s bedside before placing the scan on top. Once carefully placed, I sit on the edge of the bed and move a tiny strand of hair away from his face. Despite being drunk, he still looks as beautiful as ever.
“I wish things were different between us. I always thought we were forever. I know you hate me swearing, but by fuck, I love you, Jake. I’ve always loved you.” I feel myself well up again, so I tear myself away from the bed and settle back in Jake’s chair again instead. For a while, I just sit in silence and stare. At some point, I must have fallen asleep as the next thing I know the front door shuts with a loud bang, making me jump.
“Ana!” Matthew shouts.
Of course, he must have seen my car. I rush out of the room and down the stairs to see him.
“Ana, is everything okay? Where’s Dad?”
I spy the worry in his eyes, and the guilt quickly resumes. “He’s upstairs sleeping. He was staying at the hotel in Fredericksburg. He’s just sleeping off … a hard night.”
“What happened?” he asks, looking concerned.
He places his bag on the floor before we make our way to the kitchen. I busy myself making coffee, knowing this is going to be a long explanation. I owe it to him, after all.
“He came to me on Saturday night,” I begin. “I left him early on Sunday morning. The first I knew he hadn’t returned home was when I got to work and received your text. That’s when I rang the hotel.”
He clenches his fists before deciding to speak. “I wish that bitch never came back. She’s ruining everything. I can see it in your eyes that you’re both miserable. It’s not fair, Ana. It’s not fair at all. You and dad have done nothing wrong. Why is she doing this to everyone?!”
Looking into Matthew’s eyes, I see his pain and frustration. It makes my gut clench. I swallow my own agony and try my hardest to remain adult about this. “I have asked myself the same questions over and over again, but it all boils down to one thing. This baby may be your father’s, and if that is the case, then this baby is who is most important now. Not me.”
Reaching out towards me, Matthew grabs my hand. “Can’t you just be together?” He notices my expression and tugs on my hand. “I know it’s gross that your mom who you thought was your aunt could be carrying my dad’s baby…” He grimaces when he sees my eyes widen. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Wrong choice of words. Sorry.”
I think