if I told anyone. How was I supposed to deal with that at such a young age?”
I stare at her for a reaction, but there isn’t one, just a stoic look on her face. No remorse for what happened … nothing. Why did I even come here?
She casts her eyes down and smooths out her dress which doesn’t even need smoothing. “As I keep saying, I never knew.” Her tone is clipped in a matter-of-fact way. All it conjures up is deep nausea inside my gut.
She doesn’t even care.
I wipe my eyes, trying to compose myself. “Why do you do it? Why can’t you just settle down with one person?”
She shrugs her shoulders, her eyes fixed to the floor in what I can only assume is boredom. “Your dad was the love of my life. When he died, my mind went into a pit of despair. Eventually, all the heartache of losing him turned into rage. I blamed him for leaving me, and the anger from that was easier to hold on to than the grief I felt. Every man was the embodiment of evil as far as I was concerned and deserved to be treated with disdain. I know I hurt some of them, but others like Alan, deserved it. I thought I could treat Jake in the same way, but I saw the way he took care of Matthew, the way he wanted to take care of you. I couldn’t do that to him. It’s why I left. I knew I wasn’t making him happy, so it was silly of me to stick around. I did try to stay away and get on with my life. I thought I was doing the best thing for you. And for Jake.” She then sighs dreamily, her eyes suddenly lighting up. “But then I missed Jake. Terribly. And when I found out I was pregnant with his baby, I knew I had to come home.” I sigh loudly and shake my head. My mum—even though she isn’t my mother and never was—looks at me with a frown. “What?” she asks.
“I don’t believe this bullshit about you loving Jake. You’ve only come back because it’s convenient for you. You’re pregnant with someone else’s baby, and now you’re trying to pin it on Jake, knowing full well he has more than enough money to take care of you.”
I know I’m being cruel, but I need to see her reaction to my accusation. Sure enough, she acts appalled by what I’ve just said, but frustratingly, she gives nothing away. She’d make a perfect poker player.
“How dare you talk to me like that. Of course, Jake is the father. I may not be living with him now, but I’m sure in time when the baby is born and he falls in love with him or her, he will also learn to fall in love with me too. We can be a happy family again.”
The pain in my gut is excruciating. Of course, she notices my reaction. “What happened between you and Jake while I was gone?”
I turn away, shaking my head. “Nothing. He took care of me. That’s it.”
She leans forward, trying to gauge my reaction. “Then why aren’t you back at home? Why are you staying at Jessie’s?”
I look her in the eyes and grit my teeth. “Because you came back.”
“I’m not there now. So why not move back?” I try to think of what to say to answer her question, but I’m coming up empty. “I thought as much,” she finally says with a sigh. “You can deny it all you want, but I know you have feelings for him. But now you have to understand,” she continues, rubbing her belly with a smile. “We’re going to have a child together. Nothing can get in the way of that. Call it fate. Jake and I are obviously meant to be together. Being an only child yourself and considering what you went though, you of all people should understand just how important it is for a child to be brought up by loving parents—parents who need to be together for the sake of their child.”
My jaw stays gridlocked at her words. Jake isn’t hers. He’s mine. The fact that we’re apart doesn’t mean shit to me. He always has been mine.
Not wanting to stay any longer, I get up from my seat and face her. “I don’t want to listen to your bullshit anymore. Just so you know, I have no plans to get