would refresh her. Being a burden to Jo Marie didn’t sit well with me. True, I needed her for now, but I hoped that would change soon.
While she rested, I let my mind wander over the future. Just before I was discharged from the hospital I’d heard from Milford. The Pentagon had an offer; this one was perfect for Jo Marie and me. The job would place me in Bremerton, which was directly across the water from Cedar Cove. Unfortunately, it came with a stipulation that would require me to return to Iraq. Nothing came easy these days. I knew how strongly Jo Marie felt about my going back and I wasn’t sure I could do that to her. It left me to wonder why life had to be so complicated. Despite my doubts, it seemed the various government agencies did speak to one another.
If I took the job I would be able to do what I had been trained to do and what I loved and still be able to be with Jo Marie. However, if I decided to return to the Middle East I took a very big risk of losing Jo Marie. I had duty tugging at one side and my love for Jo Marie on the other. It wasn’t an easy decision, and frankly, I was miserable, unsure what would be best.
As I was pondering my choices, Jo Marie jerked herself awake and sat upright. “You let me fall asleep.”
“You needed it.”
“Mark,” she complained.
I stopped her by reaching for her hand and kissing it. “Okay, get busy. You’re baking me cookies, right?”
She laughed.
“You promised to fatten me up, remember?”
“So I did.” Leaning forward, she kissed my cheek and headed back into the house.
Breathing in the fresh air, I soaked in the peace and quiet of the morning. A bee collected nectar from the potted red Martha Washington geraniums Jo Marie had set along the edge of the porch. I’d built those wooden containers for her.
My gaze automatically traveled to the gazebo. Jo Marie had shown me a photo, and I’d drawn up the plans and built that as well. My fingerprints were all over this inn. I remembered the first time I sat down at my drafting table with the photo of the gazebo Jo Marie wanted me to use as a model. I was already crazy in love with her, and holding all that emotion inside of me.
As I stared at the glossy sheet she’d torn from a magazine, I’d imagined the two of us standing before a man of God and exchanging our own wedding vows there. Even then I knew I wanted to marry her. I’d waited, bided my time, tried to find a way to explain my past and what had led me to this point. I’d hardly been able to live with myself, and it seemed grossly unfair to ask Jo Marie to share this life with me. It was then that I realized I couldn’t. As much as I loved her, I didn’t consider myself worthy of the love of this woman. A woman whose dead husband had been a war hero when I considered myself a coward for turning my back on my friend. That afternoon was when I made the decision to do the impossible and return to Iraq. The real question was how I could properly love her when I didn’t love myself.
With my head full of marrying Jo Marie, I’d drawn up the plans for the gazebo. I wanted her as my wife, needed her with me. Now there was some other guy who wanted her. No way was I letting this interloper get the upper hand. By all that was holy, I vowed I wouldn’t lose her. I refused to live without Jo Marie. If she thought I was going to step aside and let some other man steal her away from me, then she didn’t know me nearly as well as she should.
—
Now that I was at the inn, Greg called when he knew Jo Marie was away. Emily answered the phone. I heard her explain that Jo Marie was out for the afternoon. Then she came to ask me if I was available to talk.
Greg and I spoke briefly and arranged a time to meet this afternoon. Although my mind had been in turmoil, plagued with doubts and worries, my body took control and I’d slept for two hours before he arrived.
Emily must have said something to Jo Marie because she was nervous