with, I supposed. “I’ll answer what I can, but you need to understand there are certain things I can’t tell you.”
She nodded and seemed aware of my limitations when it came to explaining pertinent facts about the mission. Her gaze pinned me to the bed.
“You had government help getting in and out of Iraq, didn’t you?”
“I can’t answer that.”
Her mouth curved up, as if she knew more than I realized. “I know you did. Milford said as much.”
I remembered the name. Milford had been Paul Rose’s commander. It went without saying that Jo Marie must have hounded the officer until she got the information she wanted.
“Your trip into Iraq was about more than finding Ibrahim.” This was a statement of fact. “You had another mission. I don’t expect to know the details, but I would like you to confirm that I’m right.”
The mention of my mission brought a heaviness to my chest. Nothing had worked out as planned, no thanks to the bullet I’d taken. I wasn’t sure what that would mean for my future. When I looked to Jo Marie, I realized she was waiting for my answer. “You know I can’t confirm or deny that.”
She snickered. “The fact you won’t is answer enough.”
I grinned. Smart girl.
“Did you succeed?” she asked, lowering her voice to a soft whisper.
“Jo Marie,” I flared. She knew I couldn’t speak of it, and I didn’t want to admit that I’d failed.
“Okay, okay, it doesn’t matter, because you’re through.”
“Through?”
“You’re finished with the military,” she announced flatly, leaving no room for argument.
“My, my, aren’t you the bossy one.”
“I’m not joking, Mark.”
I could tell she was serious, but it wasn’t as easy as that. I’d made concessions and struck a deal with the army in order to get back into Iraq. Being a man of my word, I intended to fulfill my duty. Yes, I had doubts and hesitations; I didn’t have a crystal ball, nor could I predict the future. I’d made a commitment, and as a man of my word, I needed to see it to the end and make it happen.
Jo Marie studied me closely and I noticed how her shoulders sagged slightly. “You’re not saying anything.” She narrowed her eyes. “Mark?”
“We’ll talk about this later.” I would need more strength than I currently had.
She bolted out of her chair, walked to the farthest corner of the room, and ran her hand over her eyes. “If you’re telling me you’re going back to the Middle East, I’m walking out of this room and I’m not coming back.”
“Jo Marie.”
“I mean it.”
I knew this woman could be stubborn, and if she said she’d walk then she would do it without a backward glance.
“You better tell me what you’ve done.” Then, before I could answer, she made another demand. “Did you re-up?” Not waiting for me to answer, she bent in half and pressed her hands against her knees. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
I tried to sit up but was too weak to manage it on my own. Instead, I pointed to the toilet. “In there.”
She dragged in several deep breaths and waited before she assured me, “I’m okay.”
She straightened, and while I didn’t want to argue with her, she didn’t look so good. Jo Marie had gone pale and still, as if she was in danger of passing out.
“Sit down,” I ordered, pointing toward the chair she’d recently vacated.
Thankfully, she didn’t argue and took the seat next to my bed. A minute or two passed before she spoke. “Just tell me what you’ve done.”
“I didn’t re-up,” I assured her.
“Thank God for that.”
Seeing her reaction, I dared not fill in any other details. The future was unknown. What I did know was this. I was the only one who could do that mission. I’d struck a deal and hadn’t fulfilled my part of it. The military might not give me the choice. Certainly I had no desire to return, but I wasn’t sure I had the option open to me.
“It’s better if we not talk about this now.”
Jo Marie closed her eyes. “Mark, please. What is it?” She exhaled and added, “For the love of God, please don’t tell me you’ll be required to put yourself in danger again.”
I didn’t answer. “Jo Marie, drop it.”
The silence in the room was so thick and strong I could hear my own heartbeat.
“Please,” I whispered. “I can’t bear for us to argue. I’m here. I’m alive. Isn’t that enough?”
She bit down on her lower lip and slowly