book club and lunch with friends…everything has been on hold the last couple months, but you’re well on your way to recovery now. You don’t need me any longer.”
“I do need you, Jo Marie,” he said, his heart in his eyes. “I need you more than I ever have before.”
I choked down a sob. “No, you don’t.” I was unable to hold back, and pain bled into my eyes.
Seeing how unsettled I was, he came all the way into the office and sat in the chair opposite me. His eyes were dark and intense. We sat so close facing each other. He reached for my hands and I gave them to him.
“I love you, Jo Marie. God help me, I love you.”
“But you’re leaving me again.”
“No.”
“No,” I repeated, certain I’d heard him wrong.
“I love you. It’s tearing me up inside to see you like this. I can’t do this to you. The army will find someone else. Today, when I told Ibrahim I’d decided to stay, he said he would go in my place. What you heard was me arguing with him. I didn’t damn near die so he could become a martyr.”
“You’d decided to stay?”
“Yes. I should have told you sooner. I felt I needed to let the army know first and then tell you, but I can’t let you hang yourself with doubt any longer. I love you. Only you. There is no mistress. No competition. I’ve already served my country.”
All I seemed capable of doing was staring at him with my mouth hanging open. He did love me. He loved me enough to go against everything he held dear.
I cupped his face in my hands and smiled at him. “Thank you.”
He reached for my hand and dragged it to his mouth and kissed the inside of my palm.
“You’re sure about this?”
“I’m sure.”
I could see the hesitation in him. This was killing him and yet he was willing to refuse for me. Because he loved me.
Mark didn’t have a lot to say afterward and for that matter, neither did I. When we turned in for the night, I was surprised how hard it was for me to sleep. My mind kept going over our conversation. I knew how hard this decision was for Mark.
After a nearly sleepless night in which I’d gone over the pros and cons of his decision, I knew I had to talk to Mark. Waiting until he woke was torture. I must have changed my mind a dozen times or more.
He found me pacing the kitchen, sniffling and rubbing my palms together.
“Jo Marie? What’s wrong?”
When I looked his way, I swallowed against the huge lump blocking my throat. Seeing him now, his eyes full of concern and love, I knew I’d made the right decision. I squared my shoulders, sniffled once more, and wrapped my arms around him before I laid my head against his solid chest. “This might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever said, but I think you need to go back to Iraq.”
He blinked and said nothing. “What did you say?”
“I want you to complete the mission.”
All he could do was stare at me. “You don’t mean that?”
There was still time for me to change my mind and I realized I had to do this for him, for the man I loved. The man who loved me.
“If you don’t come back to me, I swear by everything I hold dear I’ll hunt you down in the afterlife and make you suffer.”
He laughed. “You’re putting the fear of God in me, woman.”
“Good.”
He took my hands, holding them by the wrists, and raised them to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“You’ve never been a man to leave matters unfinished. I won’t let you do that now.”
The relief in him was obvious. “It won’t be a repeat of what happened last year, I promise you.”
I didn’t know if that was the truth or if he said it to reassure me. My fear was that if anything had changed it was for the worst, which meant Mark would be in even greater danger. “You don’t know that and it’s fine, Mark. I understand.”
He kissed my fingers again. “As much as possible, as much as I can tell you,” he elaborated, “I can promise you this trip will be different. I should be in and out within a few weeks, a month at the most.”
“You do what you need to do.”
“I can’t lose you, Jo Marie. All I can say is that