or someplace else other than where I stood.
Pride refused to let me show him how devastated his decision made me, and at the same time I experienced a surge of gratitude for his honesty.
One would think I should have been better prepared, seeing what had happened with Jayson. Even now I felt a tinge of pain when he came to mind. Jayson had taught me everything I’d ever wanted to know about love and about a broken heart.
“Thank you for being honest,” I whispered. Almost against my will, I raised my hand to his face and cupped his jaw. I started to turn away and then stopped, frowning, confused by our earlier meeting. “Why is it so important that I live in Cedar Cove?” He’d made a big point of that earlier.
He took a step back and glanced down at the floor. “You were honest with me and I owe you the same. There’s something you should know about me. I’m basically a selfish bastard.”
I continued to stare at him, not sure how best to respond or if I even should.
“For whatever reason, I need you,” he continued.
“I beg your pardon?”
“I like being around you. Since the accident”—he paused and chanced a look at me—“I’ve become something of a recluse. I haven’t spoken to my parents in months. There’s been zero communication with my family or friends. Other than the one time I went to that bar or shopping for supplies for the renovation, I haven’t left the house, well, besides my nighttime strolls.”
“You came to see me,” I reminded him.
“You are the exception. Being around you…I feel better; I feel hope. I suffer panic attacks and they’ve paralyzed me. My biggest fear in leaving the house is that I’ll have another attack.”
Telling me this couldn’t be easy.
“I have no right to ask anything of you, no right whatsoever, but I don’t know what will become of me if you leave. Please don’t move away, Em.”
I felt at a complete loss on what to do. He didn’t know what he was asking of me. “We can’t have a relationship, Nick. Surely you understand that.”
His nod revealed his reluctance. “Can we be friends?”
This was an even harder question to answer. I didn’t know if it was possible, seeing how attracted I was to him.
“Just friends. Nothing more.” I didn’t know if it was possible for me not to involve my heart.
“I won’t hurt you,” he whispered.
Another promise that would be impossible to keep. Jayson never meant to hurt me, either, or James, for that matter. Still, I felt like one of the walking wounded, bruised and battered, forever scarred.
“Let me think on it, okay?”
He nodded. “I know how unfair I’m being to you. You were honest with me and that cost you. I’m being honest back and I have to tell you it isn’t easy. I’m a bastard for asking this of you. If our roles were reversed I’m not sure what I’d do. I don’t like being this weak. I’m a man who doesn’t need others, but I need you, Em. God help me, I need you.”
Friday afternoon I was busy getting the inn ready for a full house with guests booked throughout the weekend. I was in the kitchen when my cell chirped on the counter. Little did I realize what an impact that single phone call would have on me and my life.
With barely a thought, I automatically reached for the phone and pressed it to my ear while I took out a container of milk from the refrigerator. I didn’t bother to check caller ID. Only close friends and family had my personal phone number.
Big mistake.
Perhaps if I’d looked I might have been able to prepare myself for that call.
“Hello.” I half expected it to be Greg. We talked every day, often multiple times, and had gotten closer than ever.
“It’s Dennis.”
Lieutenant Colonel Milford. I froze, my hand still clenching the milk carton. This could only involve news about Mark. I’d been waiting for this call, hoping, praying, for a definitive answer, no matter what it was. Instantly my heart shifted into overdrive and my stomach clenched, not nearly ready to hear the news and yet I had to know.
“Yes?” I didn’t wait for a response before I asked another question. “You heard something; you have word?”
The quiver in my voice got Emily’s attention because she froze, too, glancing anxiously at me.
“Mark is alive.”
I gasped, and forgetting I held a half-gallon of milk, I dropped the plastic container