Even if their circumstances were very different, they were both scarred, and both unwilling to let anyone pierce the shell around them. Except each other, perhaps … the irony of that. He’d finally opened up a little to someone and glimpsed a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time in a year, he could imagine growing close to a woman again. He’d been sucked into a spiral of cynicism, which he feared would be impossible to escape.
‘Lottie, I want you to know that until I kicked off about Ben, I’d been having a good time at the pub – if I’m honest, a far better time than I’d expected.’
‘I’m glad about that.’ She smiled. ‘It wasn’t as awful as you’d feared.’
‘Awful? No. It was great. Getting to know the others …’ Getting to know you, he thought. ‘Thank you for dragging me out to it.’
‘I’m sorry it ended like this.’
‘Me too but it’s not your fault. It’s my problem that I can’t forgive Ben but he’s right about one thing. It is time I carried on with my own life, instead of being angry about his.’
‘Then that’s all the more reason you should come to the Christmas ball,’ she said. Was that a glimmer of hope in her voice or was he imagining it?
‘The ball?’ he said, feeling panicky again. ‘I don’t know … I – I’ll think about it. I made such a tit of myself tonight that I don’t think I can face everyone at work.’
‘Just say you were feeling under the weather.’
‘Thanks, but I don’t think they’ll believe it. They will ask questions and wind me up.’ He shrugged. ‘I suppose it’s fair enough.’
‘You’d be disappointed if they didn’t.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘You shouldn’t care what they think, but if you do want to show that there was nothing seriously wrong tonight, then come to the ball.’ She smiled encouragingly at him. ‘Go on. It might not be half as bad as you think. In fact, you might even enjoy a chance to let your hair down. You can meet Steph too. You won’t want to miss that.’
He found it impossible not to smile back. ‘I’d like to meet her,’ he said, but really meaning he’d like to spend more time with Lottie. ‘Do I have to dress up though? Some of the guys have said it’s black tie. I am not a tux kind of guy, but you’ll have worked that out already.’
‘Wear what you like. No one will mind.’ Her eyes glittered with mischief. ‘You can turn up in your work overalls if you really want to.’
‘Oh, I think I can do a bit better than my overalls.’ The pleasure he felt seemed to thaw his frozen soul, and it was a warmth Lottie had rekindled. ‘If I come,’ he added hastily, wary of fully committing and not being able to change his mind.
She looked crestfallen. ‘Well, let me know …’
‘I will. I promise.’
He let her out, but sat up afterwards, restlessly turning over the night’s events. He’d missed female company. He’d missed company full stop and until Ben had walked into the pub, he’d felt he’d turned a corner and was ready to make a fresh start.
He heard the low drone of conversation on her TV and eventually, the creak of stairs and water running, presumably as she got ready for bed. It was comforting – and frustrating – to think of her on the other side of the wall. So close … yet so far.
He had no intention of making it up with Ben, not even for his parents’ sake, but Lottie had opened up a view on an alternative path to the one he’d been hellbent on. A path with fresh horizons, and relationships. Tonight had been meant to mark a first step on that – if only Ben hadn’t turned up and hurled him back into the shadows.
Chapter Thirteen
Lottie was still turning over what had happened at the pub when she took the chance for a spot of party and Christmas shopping in Kendal on Friday. It was her day off and as there was a training day at the school, Steph and the twins were able to come with her.
Shayla had said she wanted the staff to have a Christmas bash as glamorous as any corporate event, so the dress code was ‘fabulous as you dare’, which seemed to cover all bases. While black tie wasn’t compulsory for the men, she guessed