their first and only grandchild, unexpected – and his arrival had split the family apart – but he was also Jay’s flesh and blood, and precious.
Lottie offered to stay, but Jay thought she might be there all night and he persuaded her to go home and get some sleep. He knew he’d have none. When Lottie dropped him off outside the hospital, he took a few moments to steel himself. He didn’t even know if his little nephew was still alive but he tried to hold on to Lottie’s words: his family needed someone to offer hope and strength, and if, God forbid, the worst happened, Lottie was right, they’d need him even more.
When she’d asked him if he’d want Ben with him, if he’d been in the same situation, he hadn’t hesitated. No matter what had happened, he loved them. He always had even if that love had lain buried under an avalanche of disappointment and bitterness.
None of it mattered now. He’d go through it a thousand times again if Seb could live.
Even as he thought it, he realised that bargains like that were futile.
He gave his name at the desk and was sent up to the paediatric ICU where a nurse told him Seb was still critical and showed him into a side room. His parents leapt up from their chairs and his mum flew into his arms and sobbed. His dad stood by, grim-faced, while Jay attempted to soothe his mother, although all he could do was let her cry, and keep saying, ‘He’ll be OK. I know he will,’ while his mother cried herself out.
A couple of hours later, Jay went to get everyone a cup of tea but before he reached the machine, Ben emerged from the ICU. He looked like a broken man, grey-faced, and exhausted.
Jay experienced the worst moment of his life: one that eclipsed the moment he’d found out Seb wasn’t his. One far darker and more terrifying than he had ever known.
He froze before meeting his brother. ‘Ben?’ was the only word he could squeeze from his paralysed throat.
‘He’s turned the c-corner,’ Ben said. ‘He’s not out of danger but he’s responding well.’
Ben’s arms hung by his sides but Jay didn’t hesitate. He flung his arms around his brother and held him more tightly than he’d ever held him before. Ben sobbed like a baby, and Jay let his own tears flow.
‘Mate,’ he said softly, releasing Ben. ‘I’m more relieved than you can ever know but for God’s sake don’t let Mum and Dad see us like this. Go and tell them now, put them out of their misery, eh?’
‘Will you come with me? Nadia’s still with Seb.’
‘Course I will, if you want me to.’
Ben hugged him again, so hard, it took Jay’s breath away. ‘Thank you for coming. Thank you so much.’
It was early morning before his parents went home for a few hours’ rest. Seb had continued to improve and was out of immediate danger. Jay had texted Lottie with an update on Seb’s progress and asked her to look after Trevor for him.
Now morning was breaking, he decided it would be safe to go home himself. He was exhausted and in desperate need of a shower. He headed down the corridor. He could call Ben and Nadia later.
Ben saw him. ‘Jay, wait!’
Ben thudded up behind him. ‘Please don’t rush off.’
‘Seb’s out of danger.’
‘Thank you for being here for us. It means so much to me. To us – Nadia and me.’
‘You don’t have to thank me. You’re family. All of you.’
Ben patted his back. ‘That means the world to us. This is probably not the time but please hear me out. When I told you to move on, I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t forgive me. Well, I’ve tried to understand and I don’t blame you. I came to accept you’d never see or speak to me again, that I’ve hurt you in the worst way I possibly could. I’m sorry. I can’t undo the past.’ He paused for breath. ‘Like you said, I don’t wish to undo anything I did because that would mean I wouldn’t have Seb. I would die for him, Jay.’
‘I know you would,’ Jay said. ‘I would for you too – and for him if it would have helped. He’s my family.’
Ben was on the verge of tears again. ‘I don’t deserve a brother like you.’
‘C’mon,’ Jay said. ‘I’m only human, mate, and it’s time we both put all of that behind us.