up and shot out of there.
But the question remained. The one I’d been asking myself in one form or another all fucking night.
Why am I here?
Lotus, yeah. My brothers. The band. Music, sure. But also, my own life.
Did freedom and all those unencumbered moments mean anything without someone to share them with?
Lotus
“WHAT DID YOU want to talk about?” Saber asked, sitting on a stool at the bar while I totaled receipts.
I looked up at him, my stomach churning. “About what happened in LA.”
His expression darkened. “I know you were with someone.”
“Yes, but the—”
“We’re starting over,” he said quickly, his brows forming a V. “Right?”
“Yes.” My stomach hurt, and so did my heart. Had I eaten today? I felt sick.
“Do I really need to know the details?”
After a moment’s hesitation, I shook my head. He took my hand, and I forced myself to set down the cash I’d been counting to look at him. I wished I hadn’t. Pain shadowed his gaze.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I said as tears pricked my eyes.
“I know you didn’t. I know you, Lotus. That makes this easier but also harder to start over.”
“How so?” I asked.
“I trust you. I know your heart, and it’s a good one. You’re led by the currents inside it. So that’s the easy part. The hard part is taking it slow with you again, rebuilding us after I’ve already been with you, after I already know how good we can be.”
“I understand.” I fought harder to keep the tears and the guilt at bay.
“I’m not sure you do, exactly.” He stroked my skin with his thumb, making me feel things, familiar stirrings from his touch that were magnified with his gaze on me. “You’re beautiful and sexy, but you don’t seem to notice. You’re unassuming and a kind, gentle soul. All those things together pack one hell of a punch.”
I liked that he saw me that way. A lot. “Thank you, Saber.”
“Just speaking truth, babe. But I have to warn you about the new guy.”
“Ted’s an asshole, no warning necessary. I’ll be cautious around him.”
“Not him. I’m not even sure I want Ted in the group. I’m not in any rush to make a final determination. I’m talking about Journey.”
“Ah.” My cheeks warmed.
His gaze narrowed. “You caught his eye.”
“I don’t . . . I mean, I didn’t . . . I’m not trying to . . .” Frustrated, I blew out a breath.
“You don’t have to try. But just be aware and look for an opportunity to let him know where you stand. I certainly let him know that we’re together.”
“Okay. I’ll do that.” But the truth was, where I stood with Journey was ground as crumbly as the warning-laden unstable edge of the cliffs.
“Good.” Saber brought my hand to his mouth and pressed his warm lips to my skin, making my heart flutter. “You want me to walk you home?”
“That would be really nice.”
“It would be my pleasure. I’ll get out of your way while you close.” He hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll wait for you outside.”
“Okay.” I watched him move away. Saber with his confident stride in jeans that fit him snug in all the right places was something not to miss.
But then I got to work. I couldn’t count and look at him at the same time. Not as tired as I was and after missing an entire night of sleep. Plus, the reason I hadn’t slept was here and a member of Saber’s band now. It was already difficult enough to concentrate.
After several attempts, I found a groove that involved my not focusing on two hot guys. I was marking down the amount consumed on the last bottle when Tess Durant came over.
“Night, Lotus,” she said, shifting her weight from one red Converse sneaker to the other.
“Night,” I said, closing out the file and emailing it to my boss’s account.
“Hey.” The blond waitress bit down on her lip. “Can I ask you something?”
Untying my bandanna, I nodded. “Sure, I guess.”
“What do you know about the new guy in Saber’s group?”
His kisses scramble my mind. His body is a work of art. Being in his arms was unforgettable. Just thinking about him makes my heart race.
“He’s a guitarist. From LA.” I gave her a little nothing, then tried to get a big something. “I saw you gave him your number. Are you going out with him?” I held my breath.
“I gave him my number. He hasn’t called.” Her cell in her hand, she