stuff tomorrow?” Saber asked.
“Nah.” I refocused on him and noted his eyes were narrowed. I think he’d picked up on the undercurrent between Lotus and me. I wasn’t sure there was much he missed when it came to her. “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t have a lot. Just a couple of guitars, some clothes, and a couple of boards.”
“You surf?” he asked, his eyes sparking with interest.
“Hell yeah. Any chance I get. Don’t take jobs that take me far away from the coast anymore if I can help it.”
“Yeah. I feel you, for sure. I did the college gig only because I had to for my old man. Managed one of the surf shops here in OB for a while. But I fucking hated it.” His mouth turned down.
“Why? I’ll bet it paid good.”
I’d gone instantly tense at the mention of our father. It sounded like he’d put the clamps down on Saber too. But I always thought Saber had wanted what Dad wanted.
“It was all right,” Saber said. “But money’s not everything.”
“I agree. For me, my freedom to live how I see fit is.”
“Yeah, man. Exactly. You totally get it.” His gaze took on an unfocused faraway gleam. “It took me a while to get to the point where I wasn’t trying to live somebody else’s life. Though I should have seen the writing on the wall a while back with my brother leaving like he did, but you never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”
“How do you mean?” I asked.
“I had a brother who valued his freedom above everything, a lot like you and I do. He took off right before he turned sixteen to live his dream, free of all the bullshit expectations of our old man. It broke something in my mother’s heart, him leaving like that without another word, but it was a wake-up call for me.”
“What sort of wake-up call?” I managed the question, though my throat was tight, and my gut churned at the knowledge that my leaving had hurt my mom. I’d just assumed her life would be easier without the tension of me being around.
“That life’s short. You never know when it’s going to take an unexpected turn. That what gives life meaning isn’t money, conforming to someone else’s ideas of success or anyone else’s expectations of who you should be. It’s about being yourself, being with the people you care about, and doing what you love with them.”
“Fuck yeah,” I said, then cleared my throat.
Damn, I’d missed my older brother, missed out on seeing the man he’d become. Sure, I was free now, living moment to moment. But I’d been doing that alone without anyone I cared about or anyone who cared about me.
“Given a choice, I’m in the water, making music, or making love to my girl.” Saber’s brows dipped, and concern seemed to darken his brown eyes. “But those priorities will change for me, for all of us, if the band takes off and Ash sends us out to tour.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “You’re right.”
“That going to work for you?” Saber asked, his sudden directness reminding me of the way Lotus had blindsided me with her feelings.
“It worked for Ash.” I shrugged. “And the Dogs.”
“They retired early.”
“Seems like a good goal if you can swing it.”
“Exactly.” He nodded. “That’s exactly my goal. Out on the road short term making bank to achieve the longer-term goal of being here in OB afterward, doing what I want to do twenty-four/seven.”
Then it hit me. His focus. And the fact that I should just tell him who I was.
Saber didn’t seem to hate me for leaving, but something held me back.
A big part was that I just wasn’t ready yet. I had a feeling once the truth was told, I would lose the freedom to take off if I needed to a second time. I wasn’t certain and laser focused like him. I’d been in survival mode a long time and didn’t have any long-term goals.
My brother tilted his head, giving me a speculative look.
“It’s weird, but I feel like I know you. Like we understand each other. Glad we had time to chat, just the two of us.” He thumped me on my back, and emotion completely blocked my throat. “Glad Ash recommended you. Glad you’re part of the group.”
My eyes burning, I could only nod as he exited the booth and went to claim his girl. Rather than watch that shit, I got