than I had since the shower this morning, I quickly replied.
Me: Anything for you.
I’d been feeling calmer in general since sharing my secret with Alice. And I trusted both her discretion and her cleverness in forming a plan to address my sudden malady. I hadn’t missed the array of emotions crossing her face during the course of our meeting the other day. Confusion, shock, dismay, concern, and then the one I’d been counting on to make an appearance: determination. It was exactly what I needed. Give Alice a challenge and she will rise to the occasion. This would be no different.
So far, she’d sent me synopses of dozens of articles to peruse, given me a base-level assessment quiz, and outlined a variety of techniques to employ as well as a schedule for their induction. I hadn’t a clue what “early visualization” and “overriding old brain” might entail, but I trusted her implicitly to carry out her plan of starting small and building upon each victory.
With our first session scheduled for this evening, I was feeling rather positive about the whole thing—despite my run-in with Leo.
Renewed in confidence, I resolved to follow Alice’s instructions to the letter as well as revisit my list of ways to make her happy. Because having her back in my life was proving to be a habit I didn’t think I could break.
“Exactly what are we doing on the roof again?” I pulled at my shirt cuffs to straighten them as I stood on the large flat section of roof covered in river stones.
Alice beckoned from her spot near the edge of the roof where she peeked timidly over the elevated lip as the breeze loosened strands of dark hair from their twisted knot. “I told you, this is the only appropriate place I could find where security wouldn’t shadow us.”
“Appropriate for what?” I asked as I carefully picked my way across the stones to join her. “Where’s your coat?” The days were still mild, but the autumn evenings here brought quickly descending temperatures, not to mention wind at this height.
“I forgot it inside.” She glanced my way and looked as if her teeth might start chattering at any moment.
“Here.” I removed my jacket and held it out to her, but she only shook her head.
“I’m fine, really.” She crossed her arms over her chest while I rolled my eyes at her and shook the jacket out before settling it on her small shoulders.
“Don’t be ridiculous. If you die of a pneumonia, Ruby will remove my testicles with a pair of rusty pliers.”
This lifted the corners of her mouth as she met my eyes. “Thank you, sir.” I watched her pull the wool suit jacket tighter around herself, all but burying herself in the fabric as it consumed her small frame.
“So?” I prompted, leaning forward to take my own look over the side of the palace’s stone wall. The subtle light of dusk covered every surface with a warm glow, despite the cool colors of the stonework. “If you’re suggesting I jump, I already promised Clara I wouldn’t.”
“That’s not exactly what I had in mind. I’d like to do a little exercise,” she explained, turning to face me directly. “I want you to think about your experience at that dinner, standing in front of the room, unable to speak.”
It appeared we were diving in straightaway. “This sounds fun.”
She squinted her disapproval at me, and I put my hands up in surrender.
“Fine.” Closing my eyes, I took a breath and thought back. “All right.”
“What were you feeling in that moment?” Her tone was coaxing and warmer than normal.
My heart rate began to climb at the memory alone, and I wished we were doing this over spring rolls in my office instead of up here. Still, I forced myself to focus. “Nervous.” My blood pumped faster. “Worried. Anxious.” Like I might collapse and die at that very moment.
“Anything else?”
I remembered the sweat dripping down my back and the heat that rose to my skin as I panicked. “Hot. Sweaty. Difficult to breathe.” I took a few deep breaths as if to banish the memory of the sensation. I swallowed hard. “Afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
I kept my eyes squeezed shut as a chilled breeze swept the roof. “What do you mean?” Wasn’t it obvious?
“Afraid of the people?” she asked with audible patience.
All right, maybe not so obvious. “Not really.”
“Afraid of looking foolish?”
“No one likes to look a fool.”
“Anything else?” Again with the coaxing tone.
I forced myself back in that place,