on the phone in her lap. “Yes.”
“Have you…”
“Have I what, sir?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Never mind.” Bloody hell! I’d just been about to ask my assistant if her tits had got bigger since I last saw her. What was wrong with me?
“The queen scheduled dinner with you and the king for Thursday evening, so I’ll work with Victoria to clear any conflicts.”
My eyes flashed to Alice again. “How did you know her name was Victoria?”
This finally had her turning an inquisitive brow my way. “Have you hit your head or sustained an injury I should know about?”
“Very funny. It was just a question.” A stupid one, I realized. Alice knew everything about everything and was the most resourceful woman on earth.
And now that she was facing me, I could confirm my notion about her tits. They were definitely bigger.
And I was going to hell.
“Yes, Mother?” I switched the phone to speaker as I’d surely need both hands to pour a drink in the coming moments.
“Good afternoon, Malcolm. I trust your trip went smoothly.”
“What trip?” I asked as I opened a cupboard to inspect its contents. We’d arrived back at the palace only moments before, at which point Alice rushed off on one mission or another, promising to return shortly. I had planned on a quick shower when the phone had rung and I made the mistake of picking it up.
“The one to North Carolina. Alice is back.” Her tone bordered on smug.
“How—?” What was it with the women in my life and their witchcraft? “Never mind. How was Vera’s birthday dinner?”
“Lovely. Your father was feeling better than he has in quite some time, and Vera fell asleep in her plate of cake. What more could I have asked for?”
I chuckled at that and closed the cupboard again. Where were the crisps? “Sorry I missed it.”
“It surely won’t be your last opportunity,” she dismissed before continuing, “Now, tell me, what is this nonsense I’ve just heard from James about you and some sunglasses advertisement?”
Bugger.
I gripped the counter’s edge with both hands, weighing my options, and then eventually went with, “Nothing to concern yourself with, Mother.” Damn. I was genuinely off my game as of late.
“Your response tells me the exact opposite. I don’t have time for this, son, so please make it go away, would you?” I could picture her perfectly on the other end of the line, leafing through documents and making hand signals at James while she divided her attention and still managed to accomplish more tasks in the span of a phone call than most people finished in a day.
“I promise it’s no big deal. I’m just going to pose for a few photos wearing some sunglasses.”
This was followed by a pause that couldn’t possibly be to my advantage.
“Need I remind you of the time your cousin Louis attempted to push some brand of tea and nearly brought the entire economy to a standstill?”
I stared at my phone in puzzlement. “I don’t have a cousin Louis.”
“Exactly.”
My snort of derision was as quiet as I could manage. “And here I thought I was the dramatic one.”
“I’m not being dramatic. I’m simply communicating to you that when it comes to the Feldish economy, favoritism has no place. Really, Malcolm, why are you even involving yourself when there are so many more pressing things at hand? Put an end to it.”
I closed my eyes and thought for a moment, ultimately deciding to be forthright. “It’s how I convinced Alice to agree to come back. I won’t break my promise.” I owed it to Alice.
“You’ll have to. Why did you bring her back anyway? You have Victoria now.”
Bloody Victoria and her smiling. “I thought you liked Alice.” I pulled a hand through my hair and nearly lost a finger. Alice was right; it did need a trim.
The queen sighed. “I do. But Victoria is well-suited to the position, and I have yet to hear a single complaint. Besides which, her father is now married to the Duchess of Thienwall, as you well know, so we must tread carefully.”
“So you’re saying it doesn’t matter if I prefer Alice?” This was unacceptable.
A click told me she’d just taken me off speakerphone, and her voice suddenly sounded so close I wondered for a moment if she was standing directly behind me as if I were in my own personal horror film. “Malcolm, you’re about to be king. You can hire an army of assistants if you like. I really don’t care. Just try not