the wind will whip his words away and carry them inland, he shouts to her huddled form, ‘They’re not coming back, Desi! For god’s sake, they’re never coming back!’
3
Desi
As soon as she had seen the ocean, Desi had been unable to resist its pull. Each step closer has brought her back to herself, helping her to pretend, for a little while, that she has never been gone. But now, as the weakening sun loses its grip on the day and slips soundlessly over the edge of the world, Desi hurries across the cooling sand, each stride returning her to troubling reality.
She can see Pete inside the shack, lighting candles, his face sombre in the flickering light. Thank goodness he is here. He thinks of everything.
‘I filled your cylinder, but let’s not bother with the barbecue,’ he announces when he sees her at the door. ‘It’s too windy and dark now. It’ll be a disaster. I’ve bought some extras. Just give me five minutes and we’ll eat.’
She wants to ask about the others: Maya, Rebecca, Caitlin – even her father. But she says nothing. Instead, she sits down and watches him put things on the table – bread, cheese, dips, salad, wine. The unplanned romance of their surroundings doesn’t escape her.
Eventually, Pete slides into the seat opposite and she feels his gaze on her. Gently he reaches out and strokes her arm. She waits to see what he will say, but he doesn’t talk, just takes his hand away and begins to cut into his bread.
She loves him for that: That, and so much else. And yet she still doesn’t know if this will work out the way he wants it to.
‘What have you got planned for tomorrow?’ he asks, beginning to eat.
‘I need to go and see Maya first.’
‘Do you want me to come with you?’
‘Don’t you have to go to work?’
He pauses, then shrugs. ‘I could be sick.’
‘Don’t do that for me.’
He stops eating for a moment and stares at his plate as though collecting his thoughts. She is dismayed. She hadn’t intended it to sting, but it obviously has.
‘Pete, what I mean is, you’ve done enough.’
They eat in silence. Desi tries to think of something else, something to make him smile. ‘When can I see Indah, and the baby?’ she asks.
He glances up, and his expression isn’t what she expected. He seems worried. Perhaps he thinks she’s joking, but she’s not. She can’t wait to see Indah and her latest arrival. It is the only thing on her to do list that doesn’t terrify or bore her.
‘I’ll have to see.’
‘You don’t need to make any special arrangements.’
What is that look he is giving her now? Is it suspicious? He had been so pleased when he’d told her that Indah was pregnant again. Surely it’s natural that she is curious. But now she realises that he has barely mentioned Indah recently.
‘Is there something wrong? Didn’t you say she had a girl? Are they okay?’
‘They’re fine,’ he says, all his concentration on his meal. ‘I’ll sort something out.’ He nods at her plate. ‘Eat something, Des.’
She picks up a piece of bread and swipes it across a swirl of hummus. It looks delicious, but in her mouth the taste is stale and acidic. Pete is contemplating her as she sits back. ‘I’ve got no appetite, I’m sorry.’
He doesn’t say anything as he finishes and collects her plate. She follows him to the kitchen, watching him as he runs the tap. She hasn’t had the chance to study him like this for a long time, and she is shocked at how perilously thin he is. And perhaps it is the light, but his skin appears to be yellow. On prison visits, he had already been seated at the table by the time she saw him, and protocol dictated that she had to get up and leave before he did. She had spent that precious time absorbing his face – she had noticed when he cut his hair, the creeping grey at his temples, the deep circles and lines around his eyes, the tiredness in them. But now she is frightened.
‘Pete, is there anything wrong?’
He is dropping cutlery into the sink. He doesn’t look at her. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘You’ve lost weight.’
He makes an amused sound, but it’s nowhere near laughter.
‘I’m serious.’
He doesn’t glance back, just pushes his hands into sudsy water. ‘I’m fine, Des, but thanks for caring.’
Suddenly she wants to go and put her arms around him, press her