nearest club pool. She had long grown immune to his talk. She suspected that the swimming was just a ruse to keep her out of the way. On the day they had driven out to Lovelock Bay, it had felt like the end of her life.
As she traverses the same track all these years later, Desi is surprised at how vividly she can still conjure those old memories. What would she say if she could talk to that teenage girl with her fierce, secret dreams, and her desperation that morning as she watched them dashed? Would she let her into the secrets of the future: that she would briefly be one of the showgirls? Or would she try to turn her young mind away from her ambitions, because they had set in motion the chain of events that had led her here, driving reluctantly up this uneven road, estranged from her father and her daughter, bewildered by the path her life had taken.
Chug has been determinedly bouncing along the track with Desi lost in her memories, and to her surprise she is at the gate. She returns to the present as she sees her father kneeling in the garden. She is shocked at how old he appears. His shoulders and cheeks have concaved, while his pot belly has grown ever larger underneath his grubby white singlet. He is working slowly, his fingers as swollen and twisted as tree roots, but she has no doubt he will stubbornly ignore the pain until the day he dies. Her mother has been gone for a decade, and Charlie had always relied on Hester’s practical care. Desi can see the neglect in his creased, unwashed clothes, his unkempt, untrimmed tufts of hair, his grey stubble and sagging jowls. She has tried hard to love him as a father, but they have never been friends, and she doubts they ever will be now.
She sees him glance up at the noise of the van, then recognise it and look down at his plants again, as though he can pretend he hasn’t seen her. It would probably be much easier for him if she simply disappeared from his life.
She climbs slowly out of the van and walks towards him. Determined to be civil, she stops. ‘Hello, Dad. How are you?’
He stands up, wipes his forehead with the back of his arm and takes a long look at her. Apparently he doesn’t like what he sees, as he gestures with his trowel. ‘She’s in the van over there.’ And then he bends down and carries on. As though he knows and cares nothing of what she might have been through over the last few years.
Desi has long let go of any desire to shout and scream at him. To do so would further convince him that he knows the truth of her. She turns and glances towards the caravan a short distance away, praying that she gets a better welcome from her daughter.
6
Maya
All morning Maya has been peering out of her small caravan window, waiting for Desi to arrive. It is past eleven o’clock when Chug appears in the driveway, and Maya’s heart does a dive in her chest. She watches as her mother gets out, and almost gasps. She is so thin, and her long hair, her beautiful long hair, has been cropped close to her head. She used to at least dye it, but now it’s a mousey brown. Her shoulders have slackened, and her whole body seems to have shrunk.
For the very first time a thought occurs to Maya: perhaps the mother she knew is never coming home.
As she watches, she sees her grandfather struggling to his feet. Desi can’t get past without him noticing – he is out in front of the house, pulling weeds from his vegetable beds. Desi begins to speak, and Maya tries to imagine what she could be saying to make Charlie fold his arms so tightly. He gestures in the direction of the caravan, and bends down to his gardening again, as though he has been talking to a stranger. Maya watches as Desi trudges over with her head down, one hand fretfully rubbing the other.
As Desi nears the caravan, Maya’s mobile rings. She sees Luke’s name and snatches it up.
‘It’s on again, Maya – tonight. I’ll come and get you.’
A shiver runs through her. ‘Okay, but I can’t talk now. My mother is here. Do you remember I told you she was coming home?’
‘I’ll come about nine.’ There