short piece probably took him fifteen minutes. If his fingers could have kept up with his brain, no doubt there would have been more of a drunken ramble. Because every time he has spotted something special – and here that has been every few minutes – he has found himself wanting to tell Kate.
Ian has disappeared from the cabin, so Jackson goes over and grabs a bottle while he thinks about his response. Soon he has three empties next to him, and he’s pleasantly blissed out by the wooze in his brain and the extra thrum in his blood. He begins composing a series of replies, which range from daggy to desperate, and erases all of them. Frustrated, he goes to his folders and searches through his photos instead, until he finds one of his favourites of Kate. He only has a few, and this is a portrait shot of her taken while they were on a break between boat dives – her slim brown face and beautiful smile, a scuba mask pushed up onto her forehead, and the endless azure water behind her.
He is still absorbed by the image when Ian wanders over and stands next to him. Jackson jumps, aware of the bottles beside the screen, cross that he hadn’t put them in the bin as he collected more. Ian hasn’t spoken and Jackson dares a glance at him, expecting censure, but finds his boss is too busy staring at the screen.
‘What’s that girl’s name?’ he asks.
‘Kate. Kate Chamberlain.’
‘It is! It bloody well is! Jesus Christ!’ Ian leans forward excitedly to get a better look. ‘When was this taken?’
Jackson is completely thrown. ‘A couple of weeks ago. Why? What is it?’
Ian turns to him, his eyes blazing with astonishment. ‘It’s just…’ – he flicks a hand at the screen – ‘I used to know Kate. But I thought she was dead.’
II
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
RUMI
WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
She shoots upwards. As she does, this one question spins faster and faster, creates a vortex of all the other questions she has ever asked, and all the answers she cannot find. Matched and mismatched slices of her life stream past her, rearranging themselves into new mosaics.
At last, she breaks the skin of the water, ravenous air forcing its way into her body. She gulps it down, and swims over to clutch on to one end of a wooden pen, trying to regain her breathing, and her control. In the early morning light, she thinks she can see fire in the distance, and someone running.
She looks along the edge of the harbour wall. She cannot see beyond it to the black rocks that litter the coastline, but she knows they are there, hundreds of them lying low in the water, like submerged crocodiles. It is the only way to escape, but she will have to go a long way out to be sure of avoiding them.
She hears a shout. There is no more time to think, or to catch her breath. They are coming for her.
She takes another gasp of oxygen, focuses on the horizon, and lets go of the pen.
13
Rebecca
‘You need to let the light in, Dad.’
Rebecca goes across to the window and takes hold of the curtain, about to pull it back.
‘Leave it.’
She pauses.
‘I can see the telly better in the dark.’
It is true that Rick rarely takes his eyes off the television, but Rebecca doesn’t think that’s the reason he’s stopped her. Still, she lets the curtain drop and goes over to the sofa.
‘I’m going to go in a minute. Do you have what you need?’ She plumps up the pillows unnecessarily, looks for anything out of place.
‘You get going. I’m fine.’
She walks across and checks the side table next to the lounge chair, re-counts the pills, just to be sure.
‘Now remember you have to take these at five, if I’m not here.’
‘Don’t fuss, I’ll remember.’
She sighs and makes for the door. Before she leaves, she glances back. Rick’s face is in profile – his eyes hidden by puffed cheeks, his white hair unbrushed and greasy, and his jaw covered by a long, heavy beard that he refuses to trim. To look at him you wouldn’t think there was anything much wrong, but Rebecca wonders how much time he has left. Instinct tells her it won’t be long.
It doesn’t surprise her that he has withdrawn from the world.