around a wooden table in Cleary’s Bar and dry out by the blazing open fire in the grate beside us. ‘She didn’t really like them in real life, but she was so good at drawing them.’
‘And elephants,’ adds Aidan, much to Ben’s agreement. ‘She could draw an elephant like no one else could.’
I try not to laugh.
‘I used to ask her to draw elephants all the time,’ he says, ‘and unlike cats, I think she liked them in real life too.’
I beam as Ben opens up his innocent childhood memory bank to share little snippets of his life with Aidan as if he’d known him for ever, and marvel at how Aidan chats to him at a level that makes him feel that everything he has to say is important. The scene fills my heart with joy at how relaxed and happy Ben seems in Aidan’s company, but it also makes me sad, as seeing Ben light up like this is such a stark reminder of how he misses having his dad to banter with. As much as Jude did wrong by me, he and Ben shared some rare but precious moments just like this when times were good, and it pains me deeply inside that he will never have pizza and a chat with his dad ever again.
‘Stop overthinking, Roisin and live in the moment!’ I hear Mabel tell me, as she did on so many occasions. ‘Only ever look back to see how far you’ve come.’
I try to relax and take the fact that we are here for what it is – we were sledging with Mabel’s nephew, we were hungry, and we’re finishing off in the local pub with some pizza. It’s nothing more than that and nothing less.
OK, so it’s not something Ben and I have done very often since we came here, but it shouldn’t be something that makes me as nervous as it does, especially since Aidan has insisted it’s cool and the bill is all on him. I could never afford to be so extravagant on a Sunday night with Aidan’s ‘order whatever you want’ attitude, and while I enjoyed choosing wine without looking on the right side of the menu first for the price, a lot of this is reminding me of what we don’t have in our lives. Ben doesn’t have a father any more, I don’t have a husband, and unlike my company this evening, I do have to watch every penny that goes out the door, leaving very little room for treats.
‘Aidan Murphy, is that you!’ a lively, friendly voice says, thankfully interrupting my train of thought. ‘It is Aidan Murphy! Oh, Aidan, I’m so sorry about your aunt Mabel! And this must be your lovely wife and family all the way from America!’
Aidan looks as startled as I am at the lady’s presumption, while Ben thinks it’s hilarious and laughs behind his hands.
‘Thanks, Margaret!’ says Aidan, standing up to shake the older lady’s hand. ‘It’s been a while since I’ve been here all right, but no, these are Mabel’s neighbours, Roisin and Ben from up on Teapot Row. We’ve been enjoying reminiscing about Mabel here as we dry off after some time in the snow.’
Margaret Madden, a larger than life outspoken lady who I recognize locally from her job on the deli counter at the Spar, claps her hands together and throws back her head in a fit of apologetic laughter.
‘Sorry, of course it’s only you, Roisin! You know I never even looked at your faces, I was so excited to see this young man back in town!’ she says, putting her chubby hand on my shoulder. ‘I’m sure you’d love to be so lucky to be married to such an eligible man, wouldn’t you! Ah, you’ve done so well for yourself, Aidan, and your aunt Mabel was so proud. You were all she could talk about at any given opportunity.’
I swirl the glass of wine in front of me and try to disguise the twist in my stomach at Margaret’s comments. She seems to think her mistake was so funny – as if someone like ‘only me’ would be married to someone like Aidan Murphy with all his finery. I take a sip of the wine to give my hands something to do, but it tastes sour in my mouth. I’d been enjoying it up until now, but since Margaret’s outburst it now tastes just like a reminder that Aidan is from a very different world to