Aidan and me on this DVD. Despite my revelation, Ben has gone back into his reclusive state and is happy to sit it out and play on his Xbox in his bedroom rather than watch any of Mabel’s message.
‘Don’t you at least want to come and meet Aidan like you said earlier? Maybe he’d like to meet you too?’
He ignores me, his fingers focused on the controls and his eyes fixated on the graphics on the screen in front of him. It’s like someone has flicked a switch in him once more and it freaks me out as to how long this will last. I know his stand-off can’t go on for ever, but I also know that I need to allow him space to get used to how life is going to be very different from now on.
‘I’ll just be downstairs if you need me,’ I tell him, kissing his forehead before I head down to wait for Aidan.
I’ve pulled up my two armchairs close to the TV, I’ve pulled the curtains, I’ve lit the fire, and I have the envelope sitting, ready and waiting for Aidan’s arrival. This is a massive moment for me and I’ve never felt butterflies like it in my entire life.
My heart jumps when I hear a knock at my front door.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ he says to me with no further explanation. He has changed out of his working clothes and looks casual and cool in a pale blue hoodie, jeans and trainers.
‘That’s OK,’ I reply. ‘Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee?’
I try not to stare. After all I’ve heard about him from Mabel over the past few years, having him here now in the flesh is slowly sinking in that he is a real, live person and not just a figment of her imagination.
‘Just water is fine.’
I show him into the living room and invite him to have a seat while I go to the kitchen and fetch two glasses, unable to stop my hand from shaking as I fill them with water from a jug. When I come back face to face with Aidan, I see his eyes full of pain and lost in memory as he waits for what might lie ahead. He may have found the last few days just as tough as Ben and I have, even though he chooses a very different way of showing it.
‘OK, let’s do this,’ I say, feeling the tension in the air like a thick fog, knowing he is keen to get this over and done with. He nods and bites his lip, still a tad unconvinced, and I press play, noticing how he grips the cushion beside him. I look at my own hands and realize I’m doing the same.
‘Oh God, there she is,’ I whisper.
And there she is. Mabel’s oh so familiar face fills the TV screen and we both gasp at the same time. It’s her. It’s our Mabel, in all her glory. Our beautiful, soulful, thoughtful friend with her soft lilac silky hair, her rouged cheekbones, her cerise lipstick, and a cheeky twinkle in her turquoise eyes. I fear I might choke as a range of emotions rushes through me – sadness, happiness, relief, joy, and a heart that’s smashed into pieces at her loss.
She looks as if I could reach out and touch her. She looks like her old self. She looks alive. Oh God. She is wearing a T-shirt that says ‘I’m back, bitches’, which makes Aidan and me laugh out loud.
I shake my head. This is mad. This is so Mabel.
She clears her throat dramatically, and then she speaks, which makes us both catch our breath again.
I don’t care so much for what she has to say now. I just want to hear her voice.
6.
‘Hey there!’ she begins, and then lets out a bold rip of laughter. ‘I bet you two weren’t expecting to hear from me again, were you? Oh, Aidan Murphy and Roisin O’Connor! My two favourite people who made my whole world complete!’
She blows kisses, starting off her message with a bang just as I expected, and within the first few seconds her vibrancy has me smiling through my tears.
‘You know, I do feel a bit like Queen Elizabeth on Christmas Day sitting here addressing my people!’ she tells us, giving us a royal wave. ‘Now, I hope you two are sitting comfortably – actually, I hope you two are watching this together like I asked you to or else I might