then we never have to see each other again. Ever!’
Aidan guards the front door of Mabel’s house with his arm leaning on the doorframe and his other hand on the door itself. He looks as though he hasn’t slept a wink in days.
He also looks a bit spaced out with it, but I’m on a mission and I need to pin him down to do this once and for all. After we watch Mabel’s message, I don’t need to see him or disturb him or interrupt his work, nor will I ever want to.
‘It might help us both a little?’ I continue, not budging from the subject at hand, holding up the envelope as I speak. ‘Look, we can put it on and if it’s all too much we can press stop. It’s probably only a few minutes long. Please?’
He shakes his head.
‘I’m sorry, Roisin, I can’t right now,’ he explains to me. ‘I’ve a lot on at the minute and I’m not sure if I can take this all in right now. I’ve a lot going on in here.’
He points to his head and then to the paint on his T-shirt.
My heart sinks.
‘But – but it might be good for you, whatever you’re going through?’ I suggest. ‘This message is for you as much as it is for me.’
His hand drops from the doorframe and he folds his arms.
‘Roisin, I’m busy, I’m sorry!’ he tells me, shouting now. ‘Watch it for yourself. I’m sure if there’s anything in there that’s totally life changing you can shout across the fence to me before I go. Now, that’s enough. Go about your own business and let me go about mine!’
I shake my head in disbelief and put the envelope under my arm. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. He really doesn’t want to hear from Mabel? He doesn’t have time to see through her very simple wish for us to watch this together? My eyes widen. My throat goes dry and I feel tears prick my eyes.
‘You … OK, you do your thing then, Aidan, whatever it is,’ I manage to mumble in his direction. ‘And then you can swan off in your fancy car back to your fancy life and sail on without giving Mabel as much as an afterthought, but for me it’s not as simple as that. I live here and I loved her! I’m surrounded by her loss and I know yes, she was perhaps a batty, crazy old lady to some people around here, but to me she was so much more. So much more!’
I can’t stop the tears now, and once again I realize how hideous I must sound with too much to say, not to mention how I look in my denim dungarees, my hair in a messy long ponytail, and my puffy eyes that haven’t seen make-up for days.
I stomp away, deciding to do as he wishes and leave him to it, when he calls me back, his voice cracking as he does so.
‘Do you even have a DVD player?’ he shouts when I’m halfway down the path. ‘I mean, who has a DVD player these days? I don’t know anyone who does.’
I pause. I turn to face him again.
‘I do actually,’ I tell him, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. ‘We’re a bit behind the times here in Ballybray.’
I squint now under the sun as it breaks through a little more cloud and Aidan manages a faint smile beneath his tired eyes.
‘Why am I not surprised to hear that?’ he says, rolling his eyes in surrender. ‘OK, OK, Roisin! I’ll do it.’
‘You will?’
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I’ll get changed and will be over as soon as I can. And that’s it, OK? After this we move on. We get practical. I’ve a lot to be getting on with and I’m sure you do too. Mabel wouldn’t want either of us moping over her.’
‘Yes!’ I reply, almost punching the air. ‘Oh, you won’t regret this, Aidan, I just know it! Thank you! I’ll go get it all set up! Yes!’
I slip and slide, feeling his eyes watch me for a few seconds before he closes the door, but I don’t care how hideous I might look right now. I just need to hear what Mabel has to say.
Half an hour later, Aidan still hasn’t arrived, and although I’m afraid he may have changed his mind, his lateness gives me time to chat to Ben about what Mabel has left behind for