later?” I bite on my bottom lip, deliberating. “Hurry up,” he says. “I’m not meant to hang out with the customers. You know that. Are we going or not?” His warm smile totally negates the effect of his harsh sounding words.
“You’re so bossy. How can I refuse.” I giggle and for the briefest of moments forget everything.
I take my purse from the back of the chair, open it and drop in my phone. There’s a bus in ten minutes, which I should make. But first I need to pop to the bathroom.
Pushing the door open I get the shock of my life. Lori is in there washing her hands. I stand open mouthed, while my stomach hits the floor. I hate it when that happens because it takes ages before my insides feel remotely normal.
“Suzy,” Lori says, a lot colder than she’s ever said my name before.
“Um, hi. I thought you weren’t going to come. Not that I blame you. I know that what’s happened is awful and you probably won’t ever want to speak to me again and I don’t blame you because it was so awful and it was just so awful and—”
Suzy, shut the fuck up. Right. Yes. Sorry. Breathe. Be cool.
“Sorry, for gabbling on Lori. Thanks for coming.”
“I wasn’t going to. I’ve been in here for twenty minutes deciding what to do. When I got your text earlier asking me to meet you I thought you had a huge cheek after what happened. But then—”
“Yes, I know. I totally agree with you. But I had to see you. To explain. Look come and sit down, we can’t talk in here.”
“Okay.”
She follows me out of the bathroom into the café area. There’s a table near the door so I head over there. Ryan is behind the counter and I catch his eye when we pass. He gives an almost imperceptible wink. I hope Lori didn’t notice.
“Do you want anything to drink?” I ask once we’re sitting down.
“No, thanks.”
“Right.” I take hold of the bottom of my T-shirt and start to wrap it around my finger. “I am soooo sorry,” I blurt out loudly. “About last night. I owe you an explanation.”
Lori’s face is unreadable. I feel awful. And you know what, now I’m faced with losing her as a friend I realize how much I don’t want to. I really like her. And I’m not just friends with her to achieve my goal. I really, really like her. And that makes me feel even more of a bitch than I was feeling before.
“Yes, I think you do.” She folds her arms. I’ve read all about body language in Cosmo. I know exactly what arm folding means. “And it better be good.” Her words chill my insides. She can certainly be a tough nut when she wants to.
“Oh. It’s good alright.” I’m freakin’ here. This sure as hell isn’t going to be easy. “I’ll start at the beginning, but before I do, you need to know that I’m sorry. So very, very sorry. You’ve been great. And I didn’t want to lie to you or anyone else. But I had no choice.” This is sounding so ridiculous.
“You had to lie? Someone twisted your arm and made you tell lies to me.” She shakes her head in disbelief.
“Well, not someone exactly. Just the thought of someone,” I pause for a moment. “Rosie. I wanted desperately to be like her so when I started at school I sort of reinvented myself. Bought some new clothes, worked hard, behaved myself and hung out with the in crowd. And thanks to your help and kindness it turned out better than I could have ever hoped.”
Lori’s facial expression softens a little. “That’s not so bad,” she says. “I can understand you wanting to turn over a new leaf and—”
“Wait,” I interrupt. “You haven’t heard the worst thing.” I pause a moment. “I’m-not-a-virgin-I-did-it-with-Ryan-just over-a-year-ago.” The words tumble out of my mouth and I daren’t look at her, instead lean forward and bury my head in my hands.
Lori doesn’t say a thing, and after a few moments I turn my head to the side and peep out through my fingers.
“Say something,” I implore. “Even if it’s that you hate me and will never speak to me again.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she replies very deliberately. “Telling us you are a virgin was one big lie.”
“Well, technically I didn’t lie.” Here I go again. “Because no-one actually asked me if I was a virgin or