not making it up about the wrong daughter dying. Am I?” I lean forward and wrap my arms around my knees and wait for Ryan’s rebuff.
“Suzy, you’re wrong. What you heard, it’s just what any parent might say. All parents want their children to be good. They didn’t actually say it to you, though, did they?”
“What difference does that make?” He’s annoying me now. Why won’t he listen to what I’m saying?
“It’s like how you might moan about Maddie sometimes. You just say it. But that doesn’t mean you wish she wasn’t there, or that you think any less of her. You must understand that.”
I stand up from the bench and walk over to the wall. I lean against it and wrap my arms around me. This is too hard. What if Ryan’s right? What if everything I’ve done has just been a waste of time?
Nah. He’s wrong. I know my parents don’t want me to be how I was. And they definitely want me to be more like Rosie. Who wouldn’t want their daughter to get top marks and do well? It’s only natural.
“Ryan, you might be right about them not wanting me to die instead of Rosie. But I’m right in knowing they want me to be more like her. And I don’t care what you say, you won’t persuade me otherwise.”
He jumps up from the bench and walks over to where I’m leaning. He stands in front of me with his arms outstretched and his hands on the wall—one either side of me. He’s so close I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face.
“Suzy. What’s going on?” The sound of Lori’s irate voice makes me jump three feet into the air. Ryan’s arms drop to his side and he spins around to face her.
She storms over and positions herself in front of us with her hands on her hips.
“What do you mean?” I ask. Like I couldn’t guess.
“I’ve just been talking to Guy. He’s really upset. Muttering something about you totally losing it and not wanting to go out with him because you’re really a different person or something. Look, it’s nothing to do with me if you want to finish it. But why pick tonight? And
why make up something like that? And what,” she glares at Ryan, “are you doing with him?”
“God, Lori. You sound as bad as Guy. I’m not doing anything with Ryan. We’re just talking. It’s not a crime you know. I wish you’d all just leave me alone.”
“Fine, I will. If that’s what you want. And thanks for totally ruining my evening.”
Shit. What did I say that for? One day I’ll learn to keep my big mouth shut?
“Lori, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.”
“Forget it. I’m going back inside.”
She marches off her arms swinging violently. I just wish this evening would hurry up and end.
“Now look what I’ve done. Things couldn’t get much worse if I tried,” I say to Ryan.
“I’m going home. No point in hanging around here.”
“I’ll take you,” Ryan replies.
“Why? After what I’ve done to you?”
“Suzy. Give it a rest.” He slides his hand into his pocket and pulls out some keys. “Here, go and sit in my car I’ll be out in thirty minutes.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
I stare at my watch for about the hundredth time in the past half hour. Lori’s not coming. I knew she wouldn’t. Not that I blame her. I wouldn’t if the situation was reversed. Actually, I think I would. Everyone’s entitled to screw up occasionally—though I suppose it depends on the severity of the screw-up.
“Not here yet?” Ryan asks as he walks past the table.
It’s sad suggesting we meet in Starbucks, but knowing Ryan is around makes it easier somehow. I still feel guilty about what I did to him but I think he understands. And he knows I value what we had together. We talked for ages last night. About everything.
“No. I guess it was a long shot.” I let out a long sigh. “I might as well go home. No point hanging around here all day.”
“Look, I finish at four. Why don’t we go for a coffee or something. What about the movies? Take your mind off what’s happened. I’ll come and pick you up.”
He’s such a sweetie. I don’t deserve such a good friend.
“Ryan, you don’t have to do this, you know. It’s my problem and I have to face it.”
“And it’s such a hardship. Seriously, I enjoy being with you. So, are we on for