state.
It’s all physics. Cause and effect. Logic.
There aren’t any surprises waiting around the corner that smack me in the chest like a freight train.
The opposite of anything that involves Chloe.
In just two weeks, she’s given me more sucker-punching surprises than I’ve had in the previous few years combined.
An image of seeing her for the first time again at the restaurant pops into my mind, followed by one of her wrist, and then the look on her face when I asked her about it. When I realized what the scar is from. And the little birds she had tattooed over it.
Little bird. My nickname for her etched into her skin forever. Total mindfuck.
So I push my thoughts away. All of them. Just like I’ve been doing since I left her house after smoothie-geddon.
My life had already started to slowly unravel at the seams before she waltzed back into it, but at least, there was still plenty of time and several ways to fix things.
Enter Chloe, and it feels like she took that seam and tore it open as far as it would go, before tossing everything around. Now, I don’t even know where to start fixing things. If they're even fixable.
And I hate it. I fucking hate that life seems to be slipping through my fingers at the moment, and I don’t know how to control a fucking thing.
With one last enormous effort, I let out something that sounds eerily similar to a war cry, flip over the tire, and let it crash onto the floor with a loud thud as I try to catch my breath.
The heaviness in my body, the tightness in my chest, it both goes beyond this workout session. They’ve been my constant companions while my brain tries to make sense of everything.
Which is why I needed to be alone to at least attempt to process what happened. I still go swimming—at the aquatic club rather than the university though where my coach is—and do my gym sessions, but I do everything by myself.
For as lonely as I am—thanks for planting that seed, Daisy!—I don’t want company right now either.
The only people I saw this week were my sister and nephews, but they immediately noticed something was wrong and kept their distance. At least once they realized I wouldn’t talk more than the bare minimum.
“Hey, you okay?” Hunter rushes over to where I’m now bent over because my body is done. Utterly depleted. There isn’t enough air going into my lungs, and I don’t have the energy to stand upright anymore either. “Come on, let’s go sit down somewhere.”
He leads me over to the side where I lean against the wall and slide to the floor. Or rather drop like a sack of potatoes, but who cares anymore at this point? Hunter does the same next to me—except the potato-sack action—and stays silent. Which I know isn’t an easy task for him.
After a minute, he shuffles next to me, and I turn my head in his direction.
“What’s going on, man?” He holds up a blue water bottle. “That’s yours, right?”
I nod and grab it from him, greedily emptying the contents in large gulps. I have to hold it with both hands because my hands are shaking from exhaustion. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” He lets his head fall back against the wall, and we’re quiet again.
I ignore his other question and go back to my previous position. My knees pulled up in front of me with my quivering arms folded on top. The most comfortable place to rest my head right now.
“This can’t possibly have anything to do with Chloe, can it?”
I grunt without looking at him.
“Mmm. I thought so.” He exhales loudly. “What’s going on between you two?”
“Nothing.” The word shoots out of my mouth, muffled. My throat is scratchy. Maybe I’m coming down with something.
“Is that the problem?”
“Huuuuuuunt.” I lift my head to glare at him before I switch my position and rest it back against the cold wall.
Oh yes, that feels nice.
Not as comfortable but the cold surface feels good against my overheated skin.
He holds up his hands. “Sorry. I’m just trying to help.”
“I know.” Shit. I can be such an asshole sometimes. “Sorry.”
He mimics my position, and we both stare at the gym.
Thankfully, the back area we’re in is isolated and mostly deserted at the moment. The last thing I need is extra ears or eyes on our conversation.
“No worries.” He stays silent for a moment and I close my eyes. “I know you haven’t been