that’s all. You know I’ve seen my fair share of inequality just because I’m gay.”
“Why are people like that? I will never understand it. It’s just stupid.” It might sound like a juvenile answer but that’s really what it comes down to. “I hate it.”
“I know you do. You’ve always had a gentle heart and wanted everyone to get along.” He places his hand on my arm and squeezes gently.
I did and still do. The thought alone of people hurting because of others’ idiocy makes me incredibly sad and angry.
We’re both quiet, and I’m glad I have a moment to get my emotions under control.
Cody nudges me with his elbow. “And you’re volunteering at the hospital too?”
My spine straightens at his question, a lightness spreading through my body that wasn’t there a minute before. “Yes, I’m super excited. It’s been a while since I’ve done a bigger project like this. It will be a nice break from my normal work a few hours a week.”
“It’s about time they catch up with the outpatient building after enhancing the main hospital last year. The kids will love having murals on the walls.” The gentle smile on his face proves once more why he makes such a good doctor for the little ones.
“I think so too.”
Even though I don’t know everything about nephrology—his field of expertise—his general medical knowledge has come in handy on more than one occasion.
“Anything to make the little ones smile, right?” He downs the rest of his drink before he turns around to the sound of the microphone being tapped. The light on the small stage across the room dims just as the music starts.
In less than five seconds, Cody is engrossed in the power ballad Francesco is belting out for him, both of them wearing matching dorky smiles. Neither Francesco’s exotic shirt nor the palm thatch and bamboo decoration around him takes away from how romantic this moment is.
The fact that the bar is still closed, and we’re the only ones out in the actual lounge part, makes me feel like I shouldn’t be here. Like I’m intruding on a private moment. On their love.
Even though it thrills me that they’re still this happy after so long.
I’ve often wondered what that would feel like.
To have someone to come home to.
To share a bed with someone every night.
A whole life.
A long life.
My throat feels scratchy, like always when thoughts like these take over my mind.
But I push them away as much as I can, knowing I should get home so I can lose myself in my drawings. It’s the escape I so often seek—my favorite kind of escape and self-induced therapy—filling my bucket with much-needed happiness and a sense of accomplishment.
After seeing Noah again, there’s a chance my fingers will try and draw him like they so often do. Even though this time it’s a new Noah. The older version of him, different than his younger self yet in some ways the same. Without a doubt more mature, more muscular, and manlier. And most definitely sexier. Shit, it won’t be easy, but I have to resist that urge.
He used to be my most favorite thing to draw, but times have changed.
He’s not that one person for me anymore—my person—the one I’ll spend the rest of my life with.
I should be glad that chapter is now officially closed after my apology.
So why do I feel like I just lost him all over again?
Six
Noah
Two hands tap the side of the pool to get my attention when I’m almost done with the lap. I slow down, swimming to where my coach is now crouching next to the starting block.
Coach Diaz has trained me since I was a little kid, and his now weathered face is as familiar to me as my parents’, if not more. His salt-and-pepper eyebrows draw together as he stares at me, the breath he releases heavy and filled with so much meaning.
After working together for two decades, it’s almost natural to know the other person’s body language like it’s your own. Particularly important with swimming where we often have to communicate without words.
I hold on to the edge of the pool as we exchange a loaded look.
Since I’m busy slowing down my breath anyway, I wait until he starts to talk. I know something is up from the way he looks at me, and because he usually doesn’t interrupt me unless it’s important.
After giving me a small nod, he leans down to clap my shoulder. “Let’s wrap up