Austin about his future plans, I knew that I was more worried about my future than his own, how much time I had left with Austin before he moved back to his real home, how much longer we had together until he got bored of me and the stories about his dad.
And as I bitterly accepted the fact that there was no reality in which Austin was going to be sharing my bed with me tonight, I brought my hands up over my face, letting the back of my palms cover my tired eyes.
This is for the best.
It was clear to me that I needed to spend some time away from Austin, that I needed to start putting some distance between us. I wasn’t being rational about our situation anymore, too caught up in wondering if we could’ve made something real between us work. And what made things worse was that it seemed like Austin would’ve been fine if we kept things simple, not worrying about how I was going to fit into his life long-term, not worrying about whether or not we even made sense together.
It was torture, knowing that I was the only one between us who was thinking about the future, our future, any future.
Although, who was I kidding? Austin never thought about a future with me, because he never planned on having a future with me. If Austin was seriously thinking about traveling the world and settling down and having kids, I knew that I wasn’t the first contender on his list for travel buddy or future partner.
Not that I wanted to be on that list, anyway. Austin and I so obviously wanted different things out of life. Plus, there was the whole Austin might just be into me because he never had a chance to connect with his dad thing. And no matter how much I wanted to pretend like it didn’t factor into anything, I couldn’t explain away the look on Austin’s face earlier, when I was being so hard on him about his future.
He was looking at me like I had the power to break him, like if I had kept going along those lines, it was going to cut him right down to his core.
But that didn’t make any sense, because I hadn’t known Austin long enough to have such a strong effect on him. And that was how I knew that I truly was just a proxy for Edward, someone Austin could project the father label onto, even if he didn’t want to admit to it.
And as I came to the stinging conclusion that my only options when it came to Austin were to either let him go as soon as I possibly could or slowly fade into the background of his life, I finally closed my eyes for the night, hoping that by the morning I would’ve been able to make up my mind.
“I’m checking out.” My words came out stoic as I stood in front of the front desk, my suitcases packed and by my feet.
“Wait. What? Already?” Parker’s mouth opened and closed, his thoughts seeming to race behind his eyes. “Did you already handle everything with your father’s estate?”
“I wouldn’t call it an estate.” I smiled, even though I didn’t feel any warmth behind it. “More like I figured things out with my dad’s cabin, which I’m renovating by the way. And I was hoping it’d be okay with you if I stayed up there until it was finished. It’s not done yet, but it’s good enough for me to get some sleep, so—”
“Of course, you can stay at the cabin.” Parker beamed as he brought a hand to his chest. “You’re welcome to stay, as long as you’d like, even if that includes stopping in at the Bed & Breakfast for snacks or showers or whatever else you need.”
“Thanks, Parker.”
“Anything for a friend of the family,” Parker replied. “Did you already tell Austin that you were moving to the cabin?”
“Why would I need to tell Austin that I’m moving to the cabin?”
“Because you—” Parker stopped before he started again. “Because he… um…” Parker frowned as he brought his hands down to his waist. “Sorry about that. I think I might’ve misunderstood things between you two.”
“Misunderstood? You misunderstood something?” Eddie suddenly joined the conversation as he walked up to the desk. He turned toward me with a wide grin on his face. “Did Parker misunderstand something? What was it? Please, tell me, so I can lord it over