the military if he could have done anything? Maybe.
Maybe not.
And Xander has never had to worry about a regular paycheque. His father, out of his Duchy of Cornwall account, provides for his living.
I grow cold as another thought hits me.
India was probably thrilled with the idea of becoming a duchess and doing those duties. Of being dependent upon Xander for her living.
But I’m not.
And how do I keep myself and be with Xander at the same time?
“You would never be dependent upon me,” Xander says, interrupting my thoughts.
“How?” I cry. “I wouldn’t have a job. I wouldn’t have a paycheque!”
“You would be working for the crown,” Xander says. “Things are provided for. Besides that, what’s mine is yours.”
I shake my head. “It’s not the same.”
“You know me. I would never make you feel like we weren’t partners, Poppy. I would be open with you about my finances. I would share with you, all of it, down to every pound I own. But don’t think for a moment you wouldn’t be earning it because you would work very hard for the crown. I know that with all that I am.”
I pause. He’s right about that. I would work, and work hard, if I followed this path.
“And I would find a way for you to keep a part of your career,” Xander says, interrupting my thoughts.
I blink. “What? How? You talk about rules and protocol. Tradition. These strange people in suits that run the show. Do you think they would honestly want a future queen sitting in a bakery icing biscuits? I don’t think so.”
“I don’t know exactly how, but I have my own power,” Xander says, his eyes flickering with intensity.
“Now, you are talking crazy.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Okay, so on one hand, you are trying to shove me away to protect me, so your power only goes so far there, but on the other hand, you say you would figure out a way for me to be a baking duchess? Explain that, please.”
Xander stares at me. He rakes his hand through his hair over and over, messing it up, and then he exhales loudly.
“Because if these were the only obstacles I was worried about, it would be easy,” Xander snaps in frustration. “But before we got to that point, your emotional health and happiness could be destroyed because of me. That is what I can’t do. I thought I could until I looked into your eyes a few moments ago. My God, your eyes tell me everything. You agreed to things you couldn’t possibly understand because you care about me. This isn’t fair on you.”
My temples are now pounding. The blood has rushed to my head, and I swear I’m so angry, I’m about to be dizzy.
“So, that’s it? You look into my eyes, decide I’m an innocent, and I don’t get a say in anything? You don’t want me to get hurt, so you pour your heart out to me, drop a kiss on my forehead, and send me out the door before we even get to see what we can be? You’re right. You are a selfish bastard.”
Xander’s head jerks back as if I’ve slapped him. I can’t believe the words came out of my mouth, but I’m angry at him now, and my head tells me to keep going.
“What about what I want?” I yell passionately. “I’m here because, for the first time in my life, I’ve met a man who truly inspires me with his strength. Who makes me laugh with his dry humour. You have intelligence. You want to keep growing. You own your mistakes, which is something very few people on this earth do. I love our conversations. How you listen. How we can talk for hours, and it’s never enough. You make me feel things inside of me that I thought were impossible to feel. I feel beautiful and sexy when I’m with you. I want more of this, and so much more than what I’ve said. I want to know what good sex is like. I want to know what it’s like to be in love. I want to know if a deeper emotional connection with a man can exist.
“And you are taking all of this away from me to protect me?” I shout as I continue. “You’re not protecting me. You are depriving me. You’re depriving us. This is a choice we should make together, as two adults. But if you don’t trust my spine of steel, if you don’t trust me to