the woman I love? What if something happened to you, and I froze? I can’t take that chance, Poppy. I can’t!”
My panic deepens. I have to get him off this line of thinking. Because if he becomes resolute in this, if he makes up his mind that this is the truth …
Xander will lock me out of his life forever.
“It was your father,” I emphasise. “It’s not unnatural that you panicked.”
“What kind of future king panics?” Xander cries, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “My grandfather never would have done that. My father wouldn’t do that! Christian,” he says, his voice low, “didn’t panic. He was able to do what you asked when I failed you, Poppy. I failed my father when he needed help. Christian is everything a king should be. He is what the people deserve. Not me.”
Xander has completely grasped onto all his doubts and deepest fears, and I don’t see how I can tear them away from him.
I’m going to have to do something drastic, I realise with desperation. I’m going to have to give him something to think about when the dust clears.
Something that will bring him back to me.
“Then you’re right,” I say simply. “I don’t belong with you.”
Xander’s eyes widen. I have his attention now.
“I don’t want a man to save me or protect me,” I continue firmly. “I don’t want a man to decide what I need to be happy. I don’t want a man to tell me what is best for me. And you are doing all of these things to me right now.”
“Poppy, I couldn’t bear it if I failed you like that. If you were unhappy. If your light went out because of me. I would rather live with this pain I have in my heart than cause you to suffer,” Xander declares, his eyes flickering with intensity. “I would live with this a thousand times over than to fail you in any way.”
“But you are destroying me right now, don’t you understand that?”
“Poppy,” Xander says, exhaling. “You’ll hate me eventuall—”
“No! It’s my turn to tell you how I feel. You’re going to listen to me, because this is the last time I’m going to ever speak to you,” I interrupt, my voice shaking.
A stunned look passes over his face. “What?”
“I mean it. I’m speaking to you now, so listen while I am. I fell in love with you, and I know who you are, even if you don’t,” I say. “You see a man who has failed his father. Who has failed his brother. Who has failed the woman he loves. A man who isn’t fit to wear the crown. But you have done none of those things. You grew up in a difficult situation. You rebelled and did what you could to gain some control, but you aren’t that man anymore. You’ve grown up. You are an amazing Prince of Wales and the world is just starting to see who you really are. You’re a loving son and brother. But when something happens and you can’t control it, you believe it’s your fault when it’s not. You can’t control every situation in life. Nobody can.”
He doesn’t say anything. I’m fired up now, passionate to save him from himself, and the words continue to come forward.
“You are willing to lock me out of your life because you fear you will fail me. Make me miserable. Not protect me. Well, you are making me miserable, but not for any of those reasons. You are hurting me out of what ifs, Xander. What if you can’t protect me? What if I find a royal life unbearable? What if I resent you for it? I’m a strong woman. I think I’ve proven that to you. And I’m telling you, this is what I want. A life with you, and only you. But you don’t care about that. You don’t give me credit for knowing what I want or my strength to handle these things. Worst of all, you don’t believe in my love for you. Because I would walk through fire for you. Yet despite all of this, you’re going to rip away the future I want. The future I deserve. And I’m bloody furious at you for it.”
Xander reaches out to touch me, but I push his arm aside. “No. I don’t want you to touch me. I don’t want you to speak to me. You need to love yourself, Xander. You need to see yourself through the lens that