think he was responsible for his grandfather’s death? It takes everything within me not to bawl hysterically for the pain that has been inflicted upon the man I love.
Suddenly, a memory hits me. I remember Xander telling me how his mother told him not to cry at the funeral and how he had to walk behind King Phillip’s casket.
“The funeral,” I say, staring at Arthur. “He had to walk behind the casket.”
Arthur squeezes his eyes shut. “That was a mistake on my part,” he admits as he opens his eyes. “If I could take that back, I would. I had done it for my grandfather, but it was wrong. So very wrong. Xander would never make the mistakes I have as king. He’s so much stronger in his beliefs. The way he fought for you to be able to bake—I’ve only seen that kind of fire from him when he fought me to go to the army. You give him the passion he needs to lead. The courage to challenge tradition in ways that are good. You are his partner, too. And he needs you as much as you need him.
“Poppy,” Arthur says, leaning forward in his chair, “when I had that heart attack, he froze because he became that little boy in the garden. He was certain I was going to die. And now his biggest fear is something happening to you, and not being able to save you. But the truth is, you need to save him. You are the only person who can.”
I can see it so clearly now. Why he shoved me away. He doesn’t think I’m safe with him. Nor does he think he is worth how my life will change because of my love for him.
“I have to find him,” I blurt out, determination replacing the anguish in my heart. “I have to make him understand. I have to tell him I trust him and believe in him and I don’t care about what I have to compromise to be with him, because he is my heart.”
I begin to get up, but Arthur puts a hand on my arm to stop me.
“What if I told you he’s here?”
My heart roars in my ears. “What?” I gasp.
“Xander is here, at Wickby Hall,” Arthur says. “I sent him out to take a walk in the garden. He’s agitated and snappy and upset with me right now because I told him he couldn’t go back to London until this afternoon.”
I begin shaking. “Why is that?”
“Because he was going to find you first thing this morning. If there’s one thing my heart attack has taught both of us, it’s that it’s time to make changes. Life is too short to live without love. Xander is ready to fight to get you back.”
I gasp. “He’s changed his mind?”
Arthur nods. “I wanted you to know the whole story about his childhood before you spoke to him. It’s an important part of the man he is. It will help you understand him. Why he’s done the things he has done. I know it wasn’t my place to do this, but I did it from a place of love. To help you love Xander in the way he needs.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. “I promise, I will.”
“Then I think it’s time I took you to my son.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Through the Garden Gate
My heart is racing wildly as Arthur leads me outside. We are each walking with umbrellas, as it is raining now, but I can’t hold mine straight because my hand is trembling so much. Instead of going to the garden through the back of the house, he led me to the front entrance, then out around the drive, to an old garden gate on the side of Wickby Hall.
Arthur stops at the gate. The rain is soft and gentle, but continual.
“If you go through this gate, and down the steps, you’ll come to a large hedge maze,” Arthur explains. “It’s made of yew, and the hedges are seven feet tall, so you can’t see over the top. But if you take two lefts, a right, then a left, you’ll find the centre.”
I gulp. I quickly grasp that finding Xander isn’t going to be easy.
“I have no idea where Xander went, but you will have to go through the maze to reach the other gardens. In the centre of the maze is a water fountain surrounded by flower beds. I told him to take a walk and get his frustrations out because he was