you.”
A strangled cry moves past the lump in my throat. Xander slowly turns around, his eyes rimmed with red.
“I love you,” he says, his voice thick and hoarse. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t love me yet. I understand that you might not. I don’t expect your feelings to have grown as quickly as mine. But that aside, I have some things I want to say, that I tried to say earlier on the phone. Things you need to hear. I’m going to say them now, and I ask that you listen. Don’t interrupt me. Give this to me, even if you give me nothing else ever again.”
The tears are streaming once more. I nod, as I still can’t speak.
“What happened today is my fault,” Xander says, as he begins to pace in front of me. “Christ, I was so bloody stupid. That press leak was no accident. The person who tipped off the tabloids wanted exactly what happened today. It was cruel and calculated and hinged on one of two responses from you to get the desired result. That you would feel ashamed and flee from this life, deciding you didn’t want to take this on, or that you would care enough about me to not drag me through this. And it worked.”
He laughs bitterly. “The worst part is? I provided all the information. I sat down and shared my hopes and dreams for a future with you one day. I shared how you were different. You have dreams, too, ones you should be allowed to pursue at some level. And if we progressed like I hoped we would, I would expect nothing less than a blended role for you as my wife.”
A sob breaks free from my throat. Xander stops walking and stares at me, his eyes now full of pain.
“Poppy, it was my mother who leaked the story,” he says, his voice rough. “It was my own mother.”
My hands fly to my mouth. Queen Antonia? No, it can’t be. I was warned she would try to destroy me, but like this? Dragging her son through the tabloids and humiliating him to get rid of me?
“I provided her with the ammunition when I met with my parents this week to arrange your introduction to them,” Xander says. He pauses and swallows hard. “And she used her sources to plant the story and paint the worst possible picture of you. I can’t believe I was such a bloody idiot! I was caught up in getting what I wanted, in securing some kind of assurance for a path with you. I was so in love with you, I let down my guard.
“I knew she would disapprove,” he continues. “I knew she would try to frighten you away, but I believed her usual tactics would start after meeting you. Like inviting you to a private tea and giving you threats.” He laughs bitterly. “She must have noted that tea didn’t work to scare Clementine away from Christian or Liz away from being a working royal. Which tells me how much you threaten her. And that’s because she can see how much I love you.”
I silently weep as I see the guilt etched across his handsome face. Finally, he moves closer and drops down on one knee in front of me, gently pulling my hands away from my face and holding them tightly in his. My pulse leaps the second I feel his familiar touch, the one I thought I would never feel again.
“If you want to leave me because you don’t want to live in this world of lies and deceit and backstabbing, I understand,” he says. “If you don’t want to live in this world because you don’t want your life to be scrutinised and examined, I understand. If you want a normal life with privacy, if you want a full-time baking career years from now, then you are doing the right thing by leaving me.
“But,” Xander continues, his voice nearly breaking, “if you are doing this thinking I’m ashamed or humiliated, that you aren’t enough for me, if you are doing this out of a misguided attempt to protect my image, or because you think you can’t be what the people want, you’re making a massive mistake. All that matters is what I think. What I want. What I need. And my God, in this short period of time, I already know. I love you. And you are the only woman I want in my life.”
I’m shaking. My hands