he wouldn’t eat dinner with her and had set a place for one at the table. When she’d popped the cork on her discount wine, he’d wandered into the dining area and sat down at the table as if it were an everyday routine. In fact, she’d had to scramble to set a place for herself next to him at the table.
“I’m glad you liked it. Thanks for eating with me.” She squirted the counter with cleaner and studied the man, who had come home earlier than expected. He’d seem preoccupied but had made a few jokes and eaten all the grilled chicken and veggies she’d picked up at a local Mediterranean restaurant.
“Sure. I’m sorry I haven’t been home much. I’ll try harder to study here more.”
Ellery paused, surprised at his words. “That would be good. I’ve missed you.”
He turned his head and smiled at her. Then and there she remembered why she’d fallen for him. His blue eyes were so full of . . . concern? Apology? She wasn’t sure.
“I know it’s been rough these past few months, Elle. I wish I could go back and do some things differently. This med school thing has been harder than I expected. I haven’t adjusted well, and that’s made it hard on you.”
His words made her lower her eyes.
Josh had hurt her . . . but she’d created something destructive with that hurt.
Maybe now was the time to reveal that she’d been so lonely she’d started emailing a stranger and then proceeded to carry on a secret relationship with him. She’d just read Evan’s email and knew that ticking time bomb was approaching zero. And if she admitted to a clandestine relationship with Evan, should she also admit she’d kissed Evan’s nephew? Twice? And liked it so much she wished there had been a third time? How far was she willing to go to demonstrate exactly how lonely, unhappy, and . . . full of doubt she’d been?
Because she could no longer ignore whatever Gage had started in her when they had kissed. She didn’t want to want Gage or to think about the way he felt against her, but she couldn’t seem to control her thoughts. He was like the flu—she could tell herself she wasn’t getting it, but she was. Those feelings scared her because nothing about Gage was in her plan for her life. Neither was snooping on computers or emailing handsome vineyard owners. Nothing she’d been doing for the past three months was good for her or her relationship with Josh.
“It has been hard, Josh. I can’t lie. I feel disconnected, and I don’t know how to get back what we had. It worries me. I wonder if I’m what you really want.”
Josh gave her a sad smile. “It’s not that bad, is it? I know I’ve been preoccupied, but I didn’t realize how unhappy you’ve been until you bailed on your party. I need to pay better attention to you.”
Like she was a dog or something. Let me carve out fifteen minutes a day to walk you and play fetch. So her crazed run from reality was what had done it for him, huh? Nothing like some bad behavior and drama to make people sit up and pay attention. Ol’ Ellery, the squeaky wheel.
Of course, her flight from the weekend had done it for her, too, but she hadn’t been able to turn the car around. She kept driving into the sun, heading west, imagining she was like one of those women who’d run from trying circumstances a few hundred years ago, escaping to a new future in a new frontier, embracing the hope a new life could bring. Of course, many of those pioneers had ended up dying from dysentery, so there was that. But Ellery couldn’t go back and face her mother, her father, her fiancé, and the man who’d made her feel like a cat turd on a fancy deli sandwich. She just could not do it.
So she’d checked into a hotel near the airport, just in case Dallas didn’t prove far enough. Then she’d shut off her phone, climbed in the big, soft bed, and turned on the Hallmark Channel. Because she needed to believe that life could be exactly like those movies. Perfect hair, beautiful autumn leaves, and a cowboy with a farm that needed a decorator who was spunky and made him forget his loss. Why couldn’t life be like a Hallmark movie, huh?
Five hours later, she’d shut off the