course, she was turning twenty-three, and she’d just given a diatribe on being an adult, so it wasn’t like she could be upset that her mother was treating her like one. But for some reason her mom pretending like Ellery’s birthday was just another thing to check off her list felt like salt in a cut—the same way she’d felt every time her mother had canceled on her or had been too busy. Not to mention it was the first birthday she’d celebrate while being engaged. She’d imagined Josh doing something romantic—a picnic and perhaps a nice piece of jewelry—but now she wondered if he’d even given a passing thought to her birthday. Her life felt more and more shitty every day. “Sure, whatever is easy. I better get busy.”
A buzz and ding came from the direction of the bench by the back door where she’d left her bag. She grabbed it and her tea and started toward her mother’s office, where she had a small table with file folders, a laptop, and tons of padded mailing envelopes for signed books. She looked down at her phone and clicked the text message from Josh.
Sorry about last night. Make it up 2 U this weekend. Hate 2 do this but can’t go to movies 2night. Group’s gotta meet. Sorry. I <3 U.
Of course he was bailing. And what was with all those stupid 2s? He was a med student, not a middle schooler.
Ellery fought back the tears threatening to make an appearance. She’d waited up for Josh with the wine he’d asked for, wearing a soft cotton men’s undershirt with hot-pink panties and her hair in a messy bun. She’d left scented oils on the nightstand so she could rub his shoulders, but instead of getting the intimacy she’d been craving for weeks, she’d gotten a text that said he and Drew had misjudged the time they needed to study. He’d be later than he’d planned. Oh, and did she remember they needed milk?
Effing milk? The man obviously thought about milk more than he thought about the woman he was supposed to love.
She’d thrown the book she’d been pretending to read across the room, angrily turned off the bedroom light, and lain awake for an entire hour thinking about everything from “accidentally” cutting a hole in his favorite Vineyard Vines waxed canvas jacket to throwing her diamond ring in his face when he finally decided to show up at the town house. Or maybe she would just get the dog she’d threatened to adopt every time she saw a plea on Facebook or Instagram from a local rescue. Then she would let Fido or Lola chew his good wool socks and get dog hair all over his pillow. Finally, with no more envisioned punishments for her beloved, she’d cried herself to sleep.
“Are you okay?” her mother called as Ellery slid past the old baker’s rack that held half-dead plants and silly paintings she’d done in grade school perched on easels.
“Sure. I’m fine.”
Her mother moved toward her, concern evident on her face. “You don’t sound fine.”
“I am.” But her damned voice trembled.
“Elle, is it the birthday thing?”
“No, I don’t care about my stupid birthday.” Ellery turned away and blinked up at the fluorescent kitchen lights, trying to hold it together. “It’s not that.”
“Baby.” Her mother’s soft voice was her undoing.
One tear fell. Then another. She didn’t want to admit things weren’t good, but she was so tired of holding everything inside and failing at making things work. “Mom, things are so messed up, and he doesn’t even seem to realize it.”
“What do you mean? With Josh? Is it . . . cheating?”
“No,” Ellery interrupted, wiping a hand across her face. Her emotions were a dam with a crack spidering down the center. Water kept leaking out. “It’s just that he studies all the time and never comes home. He cancels all of our plans, even the movie tonight. He promised he wouldn’t cancel again. I just feel so . . . so . . .”
“Helpless?” her mother finished.
Ellery nodded, well aware that she looked ridiculous crying over her fiancé doing what he needed to do to make a better future for them. She was a spoiled princess, a silly woman who couldn’t suck it up for a year or two to give her future husband what he needed. Weak wasn’t even the word for what she was. “It’s stupid, but I didn’t realize it would be so hard. I mean, I work,