blowing in her face. “I always think of it like a tidal wave, lurking, waiting to crash over me, drown me. So I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I’m not that person now. And I don’t think I even remember how to... really live in the world. Be part of the world. Carry that weight.”
Belinda rubbed her hands on her thighs as she thought. She could tell he was telling her the absolute truth. It sounded real—not like a flimsy excuse. He’d been through a heartbreaking tragedy, and people dealt with those in ways that were as different and individual as each human soul.
Belinda’s tragedy had made her hold tight. Fitz’s had made him let go.
“I get it,” she told him. “I appreciate your explaining that to me. But it’s really all right. We had one night together, and it was good, but it’s not like I...” She couldn’t say what she wanted to say—which was she wasn’t a little bit heartbroken. So she settled for something else. “It’s not like I expected a proposal or anything afterward. I’m a grown-up. I know that sex doesn’t always lead to more.”
“I know that. And I know I’m not any sort of fantasy man for you. But you deserve more. And I wish I wasn’t too broken to offer it to you.”
She licked her lips. Tightened her ponytail. Stiffened her spine and smiled at him. “Thank you for saying that. I’m glad to understand better what happened. But if you’re worried about me, you don’t need to be. I’m doing just fine.”
“I know you are. I’m the one who’s so tangled up about this I can barely function.” He gave her a quirk of a smile. “You’re probably kind of relieved. Can you imagine us together?”
“Kind of, but not entirely.” She laughed and shook her head. “I don’t think we’d be the world’s most predictable couple. But that wouldn’t have stopped me. I have no idea if anything could have ever worked out between us, but I would have liked the chance to find out.”
She hadn’t meant to say that much. She hadn’t wanted to leave it hanging. Fitz’s eyes shot to her face in what looked like surprise.
Embarrassed and flustered that she’d revealed too much when she’d been so set on not doing so, she stood up. Leaned over to scratch behind Theodore’s ears. “It’s good to see you, buddy. You enjoy the rest of your walk.” Then she straightened up and said to Fitz, “Thanks for talking to me. I feel better about things. Maybe after a while, we can go back to... to...”
She didn’t finish because she didn’t believe it. There was no going back to what they’d been.
With a little wave, she walked away from the bench. When she’d reached the entrance and turned onto the sidewalk that led downtown, Fitz was still sitting where she’d left him.
DESPITE HER SMALL MISTAKE at the end, she did feel better after her conversation with Fitz. At least she understood the full story. At least she wouldn’t be troubled by unanswered questions for the rest of her life. At least she knew Fitz had genuinely wanted her, even if he wouldn’t let himself have her.
It was better this way. Safer. More secure. She could keep her nice life without everything being thrown up into chaos from trying to fit a relationship with Fitz into her world.
Maybe now she could get excited about Charles again. After all, he might want to step things up with her eventually.
Right now she didn’t really want that, but maybe she would one day. Or there could be a different man. Or no one. She would be happy anyway.
She managed to work at home until dinnertime. Then she made herself grilled chicken and a salad and paired it with some good chardonnay. She ate in front of the television and enjoyed a house-buying show.
Afterward, she took a bath and changed into some cozy pajamas, prepared to camp out on the couch for a while and watch more TV.
She’d only gotten fifteen minutes into the next show when there was a knock on her door.
Maybe it was Ria? Who else would be here this late on a Thursday evening?
Belinda got up and glanced out the peephole to see Fitz standing on her front porch.
She froze, briefly trapped by shock and indecision.
“I can hear you, Belinda,” Fitz said through the door. “Can you please let me in?”
Breathing raggedly, she opened the door.
They stared at each other