phone in his pocket, so he pulled it out to look. “It’s just after five. Christmas morning.”
“Oh.” She still hadn’t fully woken up, and the proof was in the way her face softened as she gazed up at him. “Merry Christmas, Fitz.”
He made a choked sound and turned away again. This was not good. Not for his body and not for his heart. People weren’t made to want this much and never have hope of being satisfied.
“Fitz?” She was getting up off the couch. He could hear the shift in her position, even though he still didn’t dare to look.
“Merry Christmas,” he managed to grit out.
“Are you okay? You didn’t have to stay with me all night. I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable or it’s made it weird and awkward now.”
“It’s fine.” He had to look at her. If he didn’t, she’d figure out what was going on with him. Or, even worse, he’d end up hurting her feelings. “It’s not weird or awkward. People fall asleep sometimes.”
“I didn’t snore or do anything embarrassing, did I?” She was searching his face, as if she were trying to read his mind.
He couldn’t possibly let her read it right now. The tidal wave of hunger, desire, and need she would find there would terrify her. “No,” he managed to say in a semblance of his normal voice. “You didn’t do anything embarrassing. Or, if you did, I wasn’t awake to see it.”
She laughed softly, darting him a quick, shy look that nearly knocked the breath out of him. “Okay. Well, you can get going if you need to. Thanks for all your help last night.”
“You’re welcome.” He took a deep breath, relieved that escape was in sight but also having to fight to turn toward the door. “It was no problem. Merry Christmas.”
She was smiling again. Like she genuinely appreciated him. Like he was special. Like he mattered to her in a way he’d never dreamed. “Merry Christmas to you too.” She went to the door and opened it as he forced himself to put one foot in front of the other and walk away from her.
He’d made it out into the cold, damp air and to the porch steps when she stopped him by saying, “Fitz.”
He turned his head back toward her but not his body. He didn’t dare do that. “Yes?”
“Thank you,” she murmured, meeting his gaze. “Seriously. Thank you for everything. For helping with the fence. For making me feel better. For staying with me. Thank you. It... it meant a lot.”
He gulped. Nodded because he didn’t dare let himself speak for a few seconds. He finally managed to get out, “You’re welcome.”
Then he left her before he did what he really wanted. Kiss her and never stop.
HE WENT TO CHECK ON his temporary repairs on the fence before he left the yard. Belinda was already back inside as he was closing the little gate to the picket fence.
When he turned back to the street, he suddenly realized he wasn’t alone. There was a man there. Paused in front of Belinda’s house. Dressed for jogging. Puffing from exercise.
“Hey, Ken,” Fitz said, trying to sound casual even though his heart had leaped into his throat as if he were a teenager caught out after curfew. “You’re up early.”
“Yeah.” Ken was the sheriff and had a laid-back aura of quiet authority that was very effective. “Woke up for some reason so I thought I’d run early before Madeline gets up.”
He sounded relaxed, but even in the dim streetlight, Fitz could see his eyes moving from his face to Belinda’s house.
“Nothing happened,” Fitz blurted out.
Ken wiped his forehead with the back of his forearm and smiled. “Not my business.”
“I know. But the last thing Belinda would want is for folks to start to gossip about something that never happened. She’d hate that.”
“Never gossiped in my life.” Ken was almost certainly telling him the truth.
“I know. But I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t say anything. She’d get upset about it, and then she might not ever talk to me again.” Fitz hated the way his voice broke slightly on the last word, but he simply couldn’t control it. He could suddenly see a likely future spinning out from his indulgence last night, and it was a nightmare.
He knew he couldn’t have her. He didn’t have anything to offer her.
But he couldn’t bear the idea of not having her in his life at all. In any way.
“I won’t say anything,” Ken replied in a different