streamed down my face as I let myself give in to the grief.
It was a funny thing. People talked about time healing you. But time didn’t heal you, it just made the pain lessen. The hole left would never fully heal. She was my mom, my best friend in the entire world. Time would never erase witnessing her lose the fight against such an ugly and brutal disease. It would always be a part of me. Ingrained in my memories, imprinted on my soul. As the days went on, you just learned how to harness the grief instead of drowning in it.
“Does Zach know?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“If he does, he hasn’t said anything.”
“So, let me get this right. Your brother didn’t tell you about Declan, and he didn’t tell Zach about your mom?”
I lifted my shoulders in a small shrug. When she said it like that it did sound completely ridiculous.
“You have to tell him.”
“Who, Callum?” I blanched.
“No, silly. Zach.”
“It won’t change anything.” Zach harbored some deep-seated hatred for me. It bled from his pores every time he was close to me.
I just wish I knew why.
“Anyway, I thought you were Team Calli and Joel?”
“I am.” She shrugged. “But it’s good to have options.”
“Okay, that’s just weird.”
“You’re a young, single, independent woman. It’s okay to play the field a little, babe.”
“That sounds... like a lot of work.”
Josie nudged my shoulder with hers. “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”
“So you and Brad are...”
“As far as my brother is concerned, we’re nothing.” Her brow quirked.
“And as far as he isn’t concerned?”
“A girl never kisses and tells.” Josie smirked, but her expression quickly fell. “Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to go. We can stay here and watch movies while eating our body weight in ice cream.”
“For as tempting as that sounds…” I flashed her a weak smile, knowing that I had to do this. I couldn’t explain it, didn’t really understand it, but deep down in my soul, I knew I had to go tonight. “I need to keep moving forward.”
Because if I stopped, that’s when the grief hit. Overpowering, unrelenting waves that knocked me off my feet.
“Well, if things get too much and you want escape, just whisper the safe word to me and we’ll leave.”
“Safe word?” I chuckled, and it felt good. Really good. But that was the thing about Josie, for as forward and persistent as she was, she was also really good at making me smile.
“Yeah, our safe word. If at any point tonight you whisper BHS, I’ll make up an excuse to get us out of there.”
“Oh my god,” I chuckled, hardly surprised that she’d remembered such a small detail of the history between me and Zach. “You’re a good friend, Josie.”
“I try my best.” She beamed.
“I think I’m going to tell him tonight. Joel, I mean.” He deserved to know the truth.
“I think that’s probably a good idea. The team have strict guy codes about dating teammates sisters.”
“How’s that working out for you?” I teased.
“It’s the worst. But I have a plan.” Josie shot me a mischievous wink.
“Why do I not like the look you’re wearing right now?”
“Ready for this?” She stood and offered me her hand. I followed her up and took it, my lips curving in a hesitant smile.
“As I’ll ever be.”
“I’m glad you came,” Joel said as we wandered from stall to stall. Our small group had grown along the way. Josie was busy talking to a couple of other guys from the team, Saul and Dev, while casting longing looks at Brad. Victoria had brought a friend called Kira, and the two of them had been glued to Zach’s side the entire night so far.
He’d barely looked twice at me.
“Me too.” I smiled, trying to ignore the knot in my stomach.
“Okay, ladies, who wants to see a real man in action.” Saul motioned to the strongman game.
“No way, bro. Those things are rigged.”
“Nah, I got this.” He pulled out his wallet and handed the guy some bills in exchange for the hammer. “Now stand back.” A smug grin tugged at his mouth. “I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.”
“More like hurt yourself,” Dev muttered under his breath, and everyone snickered.
We all watched as Saul made a show of hiking the hammer up over his shoulder and slamming it down onto the button. The needle rose higher and higher and, for a second, it looked like it was going to ring the bell. But as quickly as